Английские тексты - Through the Looking Glass

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by LEWIS CARROLL

CHAPTER 1
Looking-Glass house

One thing was certain, that the WHITE kitten had had  nothing  to  do with it: - it was the black kitten's fault entirely. For the white  kitten had been having its face washed by the old cat for the last quarter of  an hour (and bearing it  pretty  well,  considering);  so  you  see  that  it COULDN'T have had any hand in the mischief.  
The way Dinah washed her children's faces was this:  first  she  held the poor thing down by its ear with one paw, and then with the  other  paw she rubbed its face all over, the wrong way, beginning at  the  nose:  and just now, as I said, she was hard at work on the white kitten,  which  was lying quite still and trying to purr - no doubt feeling that  it  was  all meant for its good.
But the black kitten had been finished with earlier in the afternoon, and so, while Alice was sitting  curled  up  in a  corner  of  the  great arm-chair, half talking to herself and half asleep, the  kitten  had  been having a grand game of romps with the  ball  of  worsted  Alice  had  been trying to wind up, and had been rolling it up and down  till  it  had  all come undone again; and there it was, spread over the hearth-rug, all knots and tangles, with the kitten running after its own tail in the middle.
- Oh, you wicked little thing! - cried Alice, catching up the kitten, and giving it a little kiss to make it understand that it was in disgrace.- Really, Dinah ought to have taught you better manners! You OUGHT, Dinah, you know you ought! - she added, looking reproachfully at the old cat, and speaking in as cross a voice as she could manage - and then she  scrambled back into the arm-chair, taking the kitten and the worsted with  her,  and began winding up the ball again. But she didn't get on very fast,  as  she was talking all the time,  sometimes  to  the  kitten,  and  sometimes  to herself. Kitty sat very demurely on her  knee,  pretending  to  watch  the progress of the winding, and now and then putting out one paw  and  gently touching the ball, as if it would be glad to help, if it might.
- Do you know what to-morrow is, Kitty? - Alice began. -  You'd  have guessed if you'd been up in the window with me - only Dinah was making you tidy, so you couldn't. I was watching the boys getting in  stick  for  the bonfire - and it wants plenty of sticks, Kitty! Only it got so  cold,  and it snowed so, they had to leave off. Never mind, Kitty, we'll go  and  see the bonfire to-morrow. - Here Alice  wound  two  or  three  turns  of  the worsted round the kitten's neck, just to see how it would look:  this  led to a scramble, in which the ball rolled down upon the floor, and yards and yards of it got unwound again.
- Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty, - Alice went on as soon as they were comfortably settled again, - when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into  the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you  little  mischievous  darling!  What have you got to say for yourself? Now don't interrupt me! - she  went  on, holding up one finger. - I'm going to tell you  all  your  faults.  Number one: you squeaked twice while Dinah was washing your  face  this  morning. Now you can't  deny  it,  Kitty:  I  heard  you!  What  that  you  say?  - (pretending that the kitten was speaking.) - Her paw went into  your  eye? Well, that's YOUR fault, for keeping your eyes open - if you'd  shut  them tight up, it wouldn't have happened. Now don't make any more excuses,  but listen! Number two: you pulled Snowdrop away by the tail just as I had put down the saucer of milk before her! What, you were thirsty, were you?  How do you know she wasn't thirsty too? Now  for  number  three:  you  unwound every bit of the worsted while I wasn't looking!
- That's three faults, Kitty, and you've not been punished for any of them yet. You know I'm saving up all your punishments for Wednesday week - Suppose they had saved up all MY punishments! - she went on, talking  more to herself than the kitten. - What WOULD they do at the end of a  year?  I should be sent to prison, I suppose, when the day came. Or - let me see  - suppose each punishment was to be going without a dinner: then,  when  the miserable day came, I should have to go without  fifty  dinners  at  once! Well, I shouldn't mind THAT much! I'd far rather go without them than  eat them!
- Do you hear the snow against the window-panes, Kitty? How nice  and soft it sounds! Just as if some  one  was  kissing  the  window  all  over outside. I wonder if the snow LOVES the trees and fields, that  it  kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know,  with  a  white quilt; and perhaps it says, "Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer  comes again." And when they wake up in the summer, Kitty, they dress  themselves all in green, and dance about - whenever the wind blows - oh, that's  very pretty! - cried Alice, dropping the ball of worsted to clap her  hands.  - And I do so WISH it was true! I'm  sure  the  woods  look  sleepy  in  the autumn, when the leaves are getting brown.
- Kitty, can you play chess? Now, don't smile, my dear, I'm asking it seriously. Because, when we were playing just now, you watched just as  if you understood it: and when I said "Check!" you purred!  Well,  it  WAS  a nice check, Kitty, and really I might have won, if it hadn't been for that nasty Knight, that came wiggling down among my pieces. Kitty, dear,  let's pretend - And here I wish I could tell you half the things Alice  used  to say, beginning with her favourite phrase - Let's pretend. -  She  had  had quite a long argument with her sister only the say before  -  all  because Alice had begun with - Let's pretend we're kings and  queens;  -  and  her sister, who liked being very exact, had argued that they couldn't, because there were only two of them, and Alice had been reduced at last to say,  - Well, YOU can be one of them then, and I'LL be all the rest." And once she had really frightened her old nurse by shouting suddenly  in  her  ear,  - Nurse! Do let's pretend that I'm a hungry hyaena, and you're a bone.
But this is taking us away from Alice's speech to the kitten.
- Let's pretend that you're the Red Queen,  Kitty!  Do  you  know,  I  think if you sat up and folded your arms, you'd look exactly like her. Now  do try, there's a dear! - And Alice got the Red Queen off the  table,  and  set it up before the kitten as a model for it  to  imitate:  however,  the  thing didn't succeed, principally, Alice said, because the kitten wouldn't  fold its arms  properly.  So,  to  punish  it,  she  held  it  up  to  the  Looking-glass, that it might see how sulky it was - and if you're not good  directly, - she added, - I'll put you through  into  Looking-glass  House.  How would you like THAT?
- Now, if you'll only attend, Kitty, and not talk so much, I'll  tell you all my ideas about Looking-glass House. First, there's  the  room  you can see through the glass - that's just the same as our drawing room, only the things go the other way. I can see all of it when I get upon a chair - all but the bit behind the fireplace. Oh! I do so wish I  could  see  THAT bit! I want so much to know whether they've a  fire  in  the  winter:  you never CAN tell, you know, unless our fire smokes, and then smoke comes  up in that room too - but that may be only pretence, just to make it look  as if they had a fire. Well then, the books are  something  like  our  books, only the words go the wrong way; I know that, because I've held up one  of our books to the glass, and then they hold up one in the other room.
- How would you like to live in Looking-glass House, Kitty? I  wonder if they'd give you milk in there? Perhaps Looking-glass milk isn't good to drink - But oh, Kitty! now we come to the passage.  You  can  just  see  a little PEEP of the passage in Looking-glass House, if you leave  the  door of our drawing-room wide open: and it's very like our passage  as  far  as you can see, only you know it may be quite different on beyond. Oh, Kitty! how nice it would be if we could only get through into Lookingglass House! I'm sure it's got, oh! such beautiful things in it! Let's pretend  there's a way of getting through into it, somehow, Kitty. Let's pretend the  glass has got all soft like gauze, so that we can get through. Why, it's turning into a sort of mist now, I declare! It'll be easy enough  to  get  through She was up on the chimney-piece while she said  this,  though  she  hardly knew how she had got there. And certainly the glass WAS beginning to  melt away, just like a bright silvery mist.
In another moment Alice was through the glass, and had jumped lightly  down into the Looking-glass room. The very first thing she did was to look  whether there was a fire in the fireplace, and she was  quite  pleased  to  find that there was a real one, blazing away as brightly as  the  one  she  had left behind. - So I shall be as warm here as I was in the old room,  -  thought Alice: - warmer, in fact, because there'll be no one here to scold  me away from the fire. Oh, what fun it'll be, when they see me through the  glass in here, and can't get at me!
Then she began looking about, and noticed that  what  could  be  seen from the old room was quite common and uninteresting,  but  that  all  the rest was a different as possible. For instance, the pictures on  the  wall next the fire  seemed  to  be  all  alive,  and  the  very  clock  on  the chimney-piece  (you  know  you  can  only  see  the  back  of  it  in  the Looking-glass) had got the face of a little old man, and grinned at her.
- They don't keep this room so tidy as the other, - Alice thought  to herself, as she noticed several of the chessmen down in the  hearth  among the cinders: but in another moment, with a little - Oh! - of surprise, she was down on her hands and knees watching them. The chessmen  were  walking about, two and two!
- Here are the Red King and  the  Red  Queen,  -  Alice  said  (in  a whisper, for fear of frightening them), - and there are the White King and the White Queen sitting on the edge of the  shovel  -  and  here  are  two castles walking arm in arm - I don't think they can hear me, she went  on, as she put her head closer down, - and I'm nearly sure they can't see  me. I feel somehow as if I were invisible
Here something began squeaking on the table behind  Alice,  and  made  her turn her head just in time to see one of the White Pawns roll over and begin kicking: she watched it with  great  curiosity  to  see  what  would happen next.
- It is the voice of my child! - the White Queen  cried  out  as  she rushed past the King, so violently that she knocked  him  over  among  the cinders. -  My  precious  Lily!  My  imperial  kitten!  -  and  she  began scrambling wildly up the side of the fender.
- Imperial fiddlestick! - said the King, rubbing his nose, which  had been hurt by the fall. He had a right to be  a  LITTLE  annoyed  with  the Queen, for he was covered with ashes from head to foot.
Alice was very anxious to be of use, and, as the poor little Lily was nearly screaming herself into a fit, she hastily picked up the  Queen  and set her on the table by the side of her noisy little daughter.
The Queen gasped, and sat down: the rapid journey through the air had quite taken away her breath and for a minute or two she could  do  nothing but hug the little Lily in silence. As  soon  as  she  had  recovered  her breath a little, she called out to the White King, who was sitting sulkily among the ashes, - Mind the volcano!
- What volcano? - said the Kind, looking up anxiously into the  fire, as if he thought that was the most likely place to find one.
- Blew - me - up, - panted the Queen, who was still a little  out  of breath. - Mind you come up - the regular way - don't get blown up!
Alice watched the White King as he slowly struggled up  from  bar  to bar, till at last she said, - Why, you'll be hours and  hours  getting  to the table, at that rate. I'd far better help you, hadn't I? - But the King took no notice of the question: it was quite clear that he  could  neither hear her nor see her.
So Alice picked him up very gently, and lifted him across more slowly than she had lifted the Queen, that she mightn't  take  his  breath  away: but, before she put him on the table, she thought she might as  well  dust him a little, he was so covered with ashes.
She said afterwards that she had never seen in all her  life  such  a face as the King made, when he  found  himself  held  in  the  air  by  an invisible hand, and being dusted: he was far too much  astonished  to  cry out, but his eyes and his mouth went on getting  larger  and  larger,  and rounder and rounder, till her hand shook so with laughing that she  nearly let him drop upon the floor.
- Oh! PLEASE don't make such faces, my dear! - she cried  out,  quite forgetting that the King couldn't hear her. - You make me laugh so that  I can hardly hold you! And don't keep your mouth so wide open! All the ashes will get into it - there, now I think you're tidy enough! - she added,  as she smoothed his hair, and set him upon the table near the Queen.
The King immediately fell flat on his back, and lay perfectly  still: and Alice was a little alarmed at what she had done, and  went  round  the room to see if she could find any water to throw over  him.  However,  she could find nothing but a bottle of ink, and when she got back with it  she found he had recovered, and he and the Queen were talking  together  in  a frightened whisper - so low, that Alice could hardly hear what they said.
The King was saying, - I assure, you my dear, I turned  cold  to  the very ends of my whiskers!
To which the Queen replied, - You haven't got  any  whiskers.  -  The horror of that moment, - the King went on, - I shall never, NEVER forget!  
- You will, though,  -  the  Queen  said,  -  if  you  don't  make  a memorandum of it.
Alice looked on with great interest as  the  King  took  an  enormous memorandum-book out of his pocket, and began  writing.  A  sudden  thought struck her, and she took hold of the end of the pencil,  which  came  some way over his shoulder, and began writing for him.
The poor King look puzzled and unhappy, and struggled with the pencil for some time without saying anything; but Alice was too strong  for  him, and at last he panted out, - My dear! I really MUST get a thinner  pencil. I can't manage this one a bit; it writes all manner of things that I don't intend.
- What manner of things? - said the Queen, looking over the book  (in which Alice had put - THE WHITE KNIGHT  IS  SLIDING  DOWN  THE  POKER.  HE BALANCES VERY BADLY') - That's not a memorandum of YOUR feelings!
There was a book lying near Alice on the table,  and  while  she  sat watching the White King (for she was still a little anxious about him, and had the ink all ready to throw over him, in case he  fainted  again),  she turned over the leaves, to find some part that she could read, - for  it's all in some language I don't know, - she said to herself.
It was like this.

YKCOWREBBAJ

sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT
ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD
,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA
.ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA

She puzzled over this for some time, but at  last  a  bright  thought struck her. - Why, it's a Looking-glass book, of course! And if I hold  it up to a glass, the words will all go the right way again".
This was the poem that Alice read.

JABBERWOCKY

- Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

- Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jujub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought
So rested he by the Tumtum gree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wook,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

- And has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Calloh! Callay!
He chortled in his joy.

- Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

- It seems very pretty, - she said when she had finished  it,  -  but it's RATHER hard to understand! - (You see she  didn't  like  to  confess, ever to herself, that she couldn't make it out at all.) - Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas - only I don't  exactly  know  what  they  are! However, SOMEBODY killed SOMETHING: that's clear, at any rate.
- But oh! - thought Alice, suddenly jumping up, -  if  I  don't  make haste I shall have to go back through the Looking-glass, before I've  seen what the rest of the house is like! Let's have a look at the garden first! - She was out of the room in a moment, and ran down stairs or,  at  least, it wasn't exactly running, but a new invention of hers  for  getting  down stairs quickly and easily, as Alice said to herself.  She  just  kept  the tips of her fingers on the hand-rail, and floated gently down without even touching the stairs with her feet; then she floated on through  the  hall, and would have gone straight out at the door  in  the  same  way,  if  she hadn't caught hold of the door-post. She was getting a little  giddy  with so much floating in the air, and was rather glad to find  herself  walking again in the natural way.


CHAPTER II
The Garden of Live Flowers

- I should see the garden far better, - said Alice to herself, - if I could get to the top of that hill: and here's a path that  leads  straight to it - at least, no, it doesn't do that - (after going a few yards  along the path, and turning several sharp corners), - but I suppose it  will  at last. But how curiously it twists! It's more like a corkscrew than a path! Well, THIS turn goes to the hill, I suppose - no, it  doesn't!  This  goes straight back to the house! Well then, I'll try it the other way.
And so she did: wandering up and down, and trying  turn  after  turn, but always coming back to the house, do what she would. Indeed, once, when she turned a corner rather more quickly than usual,  she  ran  against  it before she could stop herself.
- It's no use talking about it," Alice said, looking up at the  house and pretending it was arguing with her. - I'm NOT going in  again  yet.  I know I should have to get through the Looking-glass again - back into  the old room - and there'd be an end of all my adventures!
So, resolutely turning back upon the house, she  set  out  once  more down the path, determined to keep straight on till she got  to  the  hill. For a few minutes all went on well, and she was just saying,  -  I  really SHALL do it this time - when the path gave a sudden twist and shook itself (as she described it afterwards), and the next moment  she  found  herself actually walking in at the door.
- Oh, it's too bad! - she cried. - I  never  saw  such  a  house  for getting in the way! Never!
However, there was the hill full in sight, so there was nothing to be done but start again. This time she came upon a large flower-bed,  with  a border of daisies, and a willow-tree growing in the middle.
- O Tiger-lily, - said Alice, addressing  herself  to  one  that  was waving gracefully about in the wind, - I WISH you could talk!
- We CAN talk, - said the Tiger-lily: - when  there's  anybody  worth talking to.
Alice was so astonished that she could not speak  for  a  minute:  it quite seemed to take her breath away. At length, as  the  Tiger-lily  only went on waving about, she spoke again,  in  a  timid  voice  almost  in  a whisper. - And can ALL the flowers talk?
- As well as YOU can, - said the  Tiger-lily.  -  And  a  great  deal louder.
- It isn't manners for us to begin, you know, - said the Rose, -  and I really was wondering when you'd speak! Said I to myself, "Her  face  has got SOME sense in it, thought it's not a clever one!"  Still,  you're  the right colour, and that goes a long way.
- I don't care about the colour, - the Tiger-lily remarked. - If only her petals curled up a little more, she'd be all right.
Alice didn't like being criticised, so she began asking questions.  - Aren't you sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody  to take care of you?
- There's the tree in the middle, - said the Rose: - what else is  it good for?
- But what could it do, if any danger came? - Alice asked.
- It says "Bough-wough!" cried a Daisy: - that's why its branches are called boughs!
- Didn't you know THAT? - cried another  Daisy,  and  here  they  all began shouting together, till the air seemed quite full of  little  shrill voices. - Silence, every one of you! - cried the Tigerlily, waving  itself passionately from side to side, and trembling with excitement. - They know I can't get at them! - it  panted,  bending  its  quivering  head  towards Alice, - or they wouldn't dare to do it!
- Never mind! - Alice said in a soothing tone, and stooping  down  to the daisies, who were just beginning again, she whispered, - If you  don't hold your tongues, I'll pick you!
There was silence in a moment, and several of the pink daisies turned white.
- That's right! - said the Tiger-lily. - The  daisies  are  worst  of all. When one speaks, they all begin together, and it's enough to make one wither to hear the way they go on!
- How is it you can all talk so nicely? - Alice said, hoping  to  get it into a better temper by a compliment.  -  I've  been  in  many  gardens before, but none of the flowers could talk.
- Put your hand down, and feel the ground, - said the  Tiger-lily.  -Then you'll know why.
Alice did so. - It's very hard, - she said, - but I  don't  see  what that has to do with it.
- In most gardens, - the Tiger-lily said, - they make  the  beds  too soft - so that the flowers are always asleep.
This sounded a very good reason, and Alice was quite pleased to  know it. - I never thought of that before! - she said.
- It's MY opinion that you never think AT ALL, - the Rose said  in  a rather severe tone.
- I never say anybody that looked  stupider,  -  a  Violet  said,  so suddenly, that Alice quite jumped; for it hadn't spoken before.
- Hold YOUR tongue! - cried the Tiger-lily. -  As  if  YOU  ever  saw anybody! You keep your head under the leaves, and snore away  there,  till you know no more what's going on in the world, that if you were a bud!
- Are there any more people in the garden besides me? -  Alice  said, not choosing to notice the Rose's last remark.
- There's one other flower in the garden that  can  move  about  like you, - said the Rose. - I wonder how  you  do  it  -  (  -  You're  always wondering, - said the Tiger-lily), - but she's more bushy than you are.
- Is she like me? - Alice asked eagerly, for the thought crossed  her mind, - There's another little girl in the garden, somewhere!
- Well, she has the same awkward shape as you, - the Rose said, - but she's redder - and her petals are shorter, I think.
- Her petals  are  done  up  close,  almost  like  a  dahlia,  -  the Tiger-lily interrupted: - not tumbled about anyhow, like yours.
- But that's not YOUR fault,  -  the  Rose  added  kindly:  -  you're beginning to fade, you know - and then one can't help one's petals getting a little untidy.
Alice didn't like this idea at all: so, to change  the  subject,  she asked - Does she ever come out here?
- I daresay you'll see her soon, - said the Rose. - She's one of  the thorny kind.
- Where does she wear the thorns? - Alice asked with some curiosity.
- Why all round her head, of course, - the  Rose  replied.  -  I  was wondering YOU hadn't got some too. I thought it was the regular rule.
- She's coming! - cried the Larkspur. - I hear her  footstep,  thump, thump, thump, along the gravel-walk!
Alice looked round eagerly, and found that it was the  Red  Queen.  - She's grown a good deal! - was her first  remark.  She  had  indeed:  when  Alice first found her in the ashes, she had been only three inches high  -  and here she was, half a head taller than Alice herself!
- It's the fresh air that does it, - said  the  Rose:  -  wonderfully fine air it is, out here.
"I think I'll go and meet her, - said Alice, for, though the  flowers were interesting enough, she felt that it would be far grander to  have  a  talk with a real Queen.
- You can't possibly do that, - said the Rose: -  _I_  should  advise you to walk the other way.
This sounded nonsense to Alice, so she said nothing, but set  off  at once towards the Red Queen. To her surprise, she lost sight of  her  in  a moment, and found herself walking in at the front-door again.
A little provoked, she drew back, and after  looking  everywhere  for the queen (whom she spied out at last, a long way off),  she  thought  she would try the plan, this time, of walking in the opposite direction.
It succeeded beautifully. She had not been walking  a  minute  before she found herself face to face with the Red Queen, and full  in  sight  of the hill she had been so long aiming at.
- Where do you come from? - said the Red Queen. - And where  are  you going? Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers all the time. Alice attended to all these directions, and  explained,  as  well  as  she could, that she had lost her way.
- I don't know what you mean by YOUR way, - said the Queen: - all the ways about here belong to ME - but why did you come out here at all? – she added in a kinder tone. - Curtsey while you - re thinking what to say,  it saves time.
Alice wondered a little at this, but she was too much in awe  of  the Queen to disbelieve it. - I'll try it when I go home,  -  she  thought  to herself.
- The time I'm a little late for dinner.
- It's time for you to answer now, - the Queen said, looking  at  her watch: - open your mouth a LITTLE wider when you  speak,  and  always  say "your Majesty".
- I only wanted to see what the garden was like, your Majesty      - That's right, - said the Queen, patting  her  on  the  head,  which Alice didn't like at all, - though, when you say  "garden,"  -  I'VE  seen gardens, compare with which this would be a wilderness.
Alice didn't dare to argue the point, but went on: -  and  I  thought I'd try and find my way to the top of that hill.
- When you say "hill," - the Queen interrupted, - _I_ could show  you hills, in comparison with which you'd call that a valley.
- No, I shouldn't, - said Alice, surprised into contradicting her  at last: - a hill CAN'T be a valley, you know. That would be nonsense.
The Red Queen shook her head, - You may call  it  "nonsense"  if  you like, - she said, - but I'VE heard  nonsense,  compared  with  which  that would be as sensible as a dictionary!
Alice curtseyed again, as she was afraid from the Queen's  tone  that she was a LITTLE offended: and they walked on in silence till they got  to the top of the little hill.
For some minutes Alice stood without speaking,  looking  out  in  all directions over the country - and a most curious  country  it  was.  There were a number of tiny little brooks running straight across it  from  side to side, and the ground between was divided up into squares by a number of little green hedges, that reached from brook to brook.
- I declare it's marked out just like a  large  chessboard!  -  Alice said at last. - There ought to be some men moving about somewhere  and  so there are! - She added in a tone of delight, and her heart began  to  beat quick with excitement as she went on. - It's a great huge  game  of  chess that's being played - all over the world - if this IS the  world  at  all, you know. Oh, what fun it is! How I WISH I was one  of  them!  I  wouldn't mind being a Pawn, if only I might join - though of course I  should  LIKE to be a Queen, best.
She glanced rather shyly at the real Queen as she said this, but  her companion only smiled pleasantly, and said, - That's easily  managed.  You can be the White Queen's Pawn, if you like, as Lily's too young  to  play; and you're in the Second Square to began with: when you get to the  Eighth Square you'll be a Queen - Just at this moment,  somehow  or  other,  they began to run.
Alice never could quite make out, in thinking it over afterwards, how it was that they began: all she remembers is, that they were running  hand in hand, and the Queen went so fast that it was all she could do  to  keep up with her: and still the Queen kept crying - Faster! Faster! - but Alice felt she COULD NOT go faster, thought she had not breath left to say so.
The most curious part of the thing was, that the trees and the  other things round them never changed their places at  all:  however  fast  they went, they never seemed to pass anything. - I wonder  if  all  the  things move along with us? - thought poor puzzled Alice. And the Queen seemed  to guess her thoughts, for she cried, - Faster! Don't try to talk!
Not that Alice had any idea of doing THAT. She felt as if  she  would never be able to talk again, she was getting so much out  of  breath:  and still the Queen cried - Faster! Faster! - and dragged her along. - Are  we nearly there? - Alice managed to pant out at last.
- Nearly there! - the Queen repeated. - Why, we passed it ten minutes ago! Faster! And they ran  on  for  a  time  in  silence,  with  the  wind whistling in Alice's ears, and almost blowing her hair off her  head,  she fancied.
- Now! Now! - cried the Queen. - Faster! Faster! - And they  went  so fast that at last they seemed to skim through the air, hardly touching the ground with their feet, till suddenly, just as  Alice  was  getting  quite exhausted, they stopped, and she found  herself  sitting  on  the  ground, breathless and giddy.
The Queen propped her up against a tree, and said kindly, -  You  may rest a little now.
Alice looked round her in great surprise. - Why, I do  believe  we've been under this tree the whole time! Everything's just as it was!
- Of course it is, - said the Queen, - what would you have it?
- Well, in OUR country, - said Alice, still panting a little, - you'd generally get to somewhere else - if you ran very fast for a long time, as we've been doing.
- A slow sort of country! - said the Queen. - Now, HERE, you see,  it takes all the running YOU can do, to keep in the same place. If  you  want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!
- I'd rather not try, please! - said Alice. - I'm  quite  content  to stay here - only I AM so hot and thirsty!
- I know what YOU'D like! - the Queen said good-naturedly,  taking  a little box out of her pocket. - Have a biscuit?
Alice thought it would not be civil to say - No, - though  it  wasn't at all what she wanted. So she took it, and ate it as well as  she  could: and it was VERY dry; and she thought she had never been so  nearly  choked in all her life.
- While you're refreshing yourself, - said the  Queen,  -  I'll  just take the measurements. - And she took a ribbon out of her  pocket,  marked in inches, and began measuring the ground, and  sticking  little  pegs  in here and there.
- At the end of two yards, - she said, putting in a peg to  mark  the distance, - I shall give you your directions - have another biscuit?
- No, thank you, - said Alice,:** - one's QUITE enough!
- Thirst quenched, I hope? - said the Queen. Alice did not know  what to say to this, but luckily the Queen did not wait for an answer, but went on. - At the  end  of  THREE  yards  I  shall repeat them - for fear of your forgetting them. At then  end  of  FOUR,  I shall say good-bye. And at then end of FIVE, I shall go!
She had got all the pegs put in by this time,  and  Alice  looked  on with great interest as she returned to the tree,  and  then  began  slowly walking down the row.
At the two-yard peg she faced round, and said,  -  A  pawn  goes  two squares in its first move, you know. So you'll go VERY quickly through the Third Square - by railway, I should think - and you'll  find  yourself  in the Fourth Square in no time. Well, THAT square belongs to Tweedledum  and Tweedledee - the Fifth is mostly water the Sixth belongs to Humpty  Dumpty - But you make no remark?
- I - I didn't know I had to make one - just then, -  Alice  faltered out.
- You SHOULD have said, - "It's extremely kind of you to tell me  all this" - however, we'll suppose it said - the Seventh Square is all  forest - however, one of the Knights will show you the way - and  in  the  Eighth Square we shall be Queens together, and it's all feasting and fun! – Alice got up and curtseyed, and sat down again.
At the next peg the Queen turned again, and this  time  she  said,  -  Speak in French when you can't think of the English for a thing  turn  out your toes as you walk - and remember who you are! - She did not  wait  for
Alice to curtsey this time, but walked on quickly to the next  peg,  where she turned for a moment to say - good-bye, - and then hurried  on  to  the last.
How it happened, Alice never knew, but exactly as  she  came  to  the last peg, she was gone. Whether she vanished into the air, or whether  she ran quickly into the wood ( - and she CAN run very fast! - thought Alice), there was no way of guessing,  but  she  was  gone,  and  Alice  began  to remember that she was a Pawn, and that it would soon be time  for  her  to move.


CHAPTER III
Looking-Glass Insects

Of course the first thing to do was to make a  grand  survey  of  the country she was going to  travel  through.  -  It's  something  very  like learning geography, - thought Alice, as she stood on tiptoe  in  hopes  of being able to see a little further. - Principal rivers - there  ARE  none. Principal mountains - I'm on the only one, but I don't think it's got  any name. Principal towns - why, what ARE those creatures, making  honey  down there? They can't be bees - nobody ever saw bees a mile off,  you  know  - and for some time she stood silent, watching one of them that was bustling about among the flowers, poking its proboscis into them, - just as  if  it was a regular bee, - thought Alice.
However, this was anything but a regular  bee:  in  fact  it  was  an elephant - as Alice soon found out, though the idea quite took her  breath away at first. - And what enormous flowers they must be! -  was  her  next idea. - Something like cottages with the roofs taken off, and  stalks  put to them - and what quantities of honey they must make!  I  think  I'll  go down and - no, I won't JUST yet, - she went on, checking herself  just  as she was beginning to run down the hill, and trying to find some excuse for turning shy so suddenly. - It'll never do to go down among them without  a good long branch to brush them away - and what fun it'll be when they  ask me how I like my walk. I shall say -"Oh, I like it well enough - " - (here came the favourite little toss of the head), - "only it was so  dusty  and hot, and the elephants did tease so!"
- I think I'll go down the other way, - she said after a pause: - and perhaps I may visit the elephants later on. Besides, I do so want  to  get into the Third Square!
So with this excuse she ran down the hill and jumped over  the  first of the six little brooks.

* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *

- Tickets, please! - said the Guard,  putting  his  head  in  at  the window. In a moment everybody was holding out a ticket:  they  were  about the same size as the people, and quite seemed to fill the carriage.
- Now then! Show your ticket, child! - the  Guard  went  on,  looking angrily at Alice. And a great many voices all said together ( -  like  the chorus of a song, - thought Alice), - Don't keep him waiting, child!  Why, his time is worth a thousand pounds a minute!
- I'm afraid I haven't got one, - Alice said in a frightened tone:  - there wasn't a ticket-office where I came from." And again the  chorus  of voices went on. - There wasn't room for one where she came from. The  land there is worth a thousand pounds an inch!
- Don't make excuses, - said the Guard: - you should have bought  one from the engine-driver. - And once more the chorus of voices went on  with - The man that drives the engine. Why, the smoke alone is worth a thousand pounds a puff!
Alice thought to herself, - Then there's no  use  in  speaking."  The voices didn't join in this time, as she hadn't spoken, but  to  her  great surprise, they all THOUGHT in chorus (I hope you understand what  THINKING IN CHORUS means - for I must confess that _I_ don't), - Better say nothing at all. Language is worth a thousand pounds a word!
- I shall dream about a thousand pounds  tonight,  I  know  I  shall! thought Alice.
All this  time  the  Guard  was  looking  at  her,  first  through  a telescope, then through a microscope, and then through an  operaglass.  At last he said, - You're travelling the wrong way, - and shut up the  window and went away.
- So young a child, - said the gentleman sitting opposite to her  (he was dressed in white paper), - ought to know which way she's  going,  even if she doesn't know her own name!
A Goat, that was sitting next to the gentleman  in  white,  shut  his eyes and said in a loud voice,  -  She  ought  to  know  her  way  to  the ticket-office, even if she doesn't know her alphabet!
There was a Beetle sitting next to the Goat  (it  was  a  very  queer carriage-full of passengers altogether), and, as the  rule  seemed  to  be that they should all speak in turn, HE went on with - She'll  have  to  go back from here as luggage!
Alice couldn't see who was sitting beyond the Beetle,  but  a  hoarse voice spoke next. - Change engines - it said, and  was  obliged  to  leave off.
- It sounds like  a  horse,  -  Alice  thought  to  herself.  And  an extremely small voice, close to her ear, said, - You might make a joke  on that - something about "horse" and "hoarse", you know.
Then a very gentle voice in the distance said, - She must be labelled "Lass, with care," you know
And after that other voices went on (What a number  of  people  there are in the carriage! - thought Alice), saying, - She must go by  post,  as she's got a head on her - She must be sent as a message by the telegraph - She must draw the train herself the rest of the way - and so on.
But  the  gentleman  dressed  in  white  paper  leaned  forwards  and whispered in her ear, - Never mind what they all say, my dear, but take  a return-ticket every time the train stops".
- Indeed I shan't! - Alice said rather impatiently. - I don't  belong to this railway journey at all - I was in a wood just now - and I  wish  I could get back there.
- You might make a joke on THAT, said the little voice close  to  her ear: - something about "you WOULD if you could", you know.
- Don't tease so, - said Alice, looking about in vain  to  see  where the voice came from; - if you're so anxious to have a joke made, why don't you make one yourself?
The little voice sighed deeply: it was VERY unhappy,  evidently,  and Alice would have said something pitying to comfort it, - If it would  only sigh like other people! - she thought. But this  was  such  a  wonderfully small sigh, that she wouldn't have heard it at  all,  if  it  hadn't  come QUITE close to her ear. The consequence of this was that  it  tickled  her ear very much, and quite took off her thoughts from the unhappiness of the poor little creature.
- I know you are a friend, the little voice went on; - a dear friend, and an old friend. And you won't hurt me, though I AM an insect.
- What kind of insect? - Alice inquired a little anxiously. What  she really wanted to know was, whether it could sting or not, but she  thought this wouldn't be quite a civil question to ask.
- What, then you don't - the little voice began, when it was  drowned by a shrill scream from the engine, and  everybody  jumped  up  in  alarm, Alice among the rest.
The Horse, who had put his head out of the window, quietly drew it in and said, - It's only a brook we have to jump  over.  -  Everybody  seemed satisfied with this, though Alice felt a little nervous  at  the  idea  of trains jumped at all. - However, it'll take us  into  the  Fourth  Square, that's some comfort! - she said to herself. In another moment she felt the carriage rise straight up into the air, and in her fright  she  caught  at the thing nearest to her hand. which happened to be the Goat's beard.

* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *

But the beard seemed to melt away as she touched it,  and  she  found herself sitting quietly under a tree - while the Gnat (for  that  was  the insect she had been talking to) was balancing itself on a twig  just  over her head, and fanning her with its wings.
It certainly was a VERY large Gnat: - about the size  of  a  chicken, Alice thought. Still, she couldn't feel nervous with it,  after  they  had been talking together so long.
- then you don't like all insects? - the Gnat went on, as quietly  as if nothing had happened.
- I like them when they can talk, - Alice said. - None of  them  ever talk, where _I_ come from.
- What sort of insects do you rejoice in, where YOU come from? -  the Gnat inquired.
- I don't REJOICE in insects at all, - Alice explained, - because I'm rather afraid of them - at least the large kinds. But I can tell  you  the names of some of them."
- Of  course  they  answer  to  their  names?  -  the  Gnat  remarked carelessly.
- I never knew them do it.
- What's the use of their having names the Gnat said, - if they won't answer to them?
- No use to THEM, - said Alice; - but it's useful to the  people  who name them, I suppose. If not, why do things have names at all?
- I can't say, - the Gnat replied. - Further on,  in  the  wood  down there, they've got no names - however, go on with your  list  of  insects: you're wasting time.
- Well, there's the Horse-fly, - Alice began, counting off the  names on her fingers.
- All right, - said the Gnat: - half way up that bush, you'll  see  a Rocking-horse-fly, if you look. It's made entirely of wood, and gets about by swinging itself from branch to branch.
- What does it live on? - Alice asked, with great curiosity.
- Sap and sawdust, - said the Gnat. - Go  on  with  the  list.  Alice looked up at the Rocking-horse-fly with great interest, and made up her mind that it must have  been  just  repainted,  it  looked  so bright and sticky; and then she went on.
- And there's the Dragon-fly.
- Look on the branch above your head, - said the Gnat,  -  and  there you'll find a snap-dragon-fly. Its body is made of plum-pudding, its wings of holly-leaves, and its head is a raisin burning in brandy.
- And what does it live on?
- Frumenty and mince pie, - the Gnat replied; - and it makes is  nest in a Christmas box.
- And then there's the Butterfly, - Alice  went  on,  after  she  had taken a good look at the insect with its head on fire, and had thought  to herself, - I wonder if that's the reason insects are  so  fond  of  flying into candles - because they want to turn into Snap-dragon-flies!
- Crawling at your feet, - said the Gnat (Alice drew her feet back in some alarm), - you may observe a Bread-and-Butterfly. Its wings  are  thin slices of Bread-and-butter, its body is a crust, and its head is a lump of sugar.
- And what does IT live on?
- Weak tea with cream in it. A new difficulty came into Alice's head. - Supposing it couldn't find any? - she suggested.
- Then it would die, of course.
- But that must happen very often, - Alice remarked thoughtfully.
- It always happens, - said the Gnat. After this,  Alice  was  silent for a minute or two, pondering. The Gnat amused itself meanwhile by humming round and round her head:  at  last  it settled again and remarked, - I suppose you don't want to lose your name?
- No, indeed, - Alice said, a little anxiously.
- And yet I don't know, - the Gnat went on in a careless tone: - only think how convenient it would be if you could manage to  go  home  without it! For instance, if the governess wanted to call you to your lessons, she would call out "come here - ," and there she  would  have  to  leave  off, because there wouldn't be any name for her  to  all,  and  of  course  you wouldn't have to go, you know.
- That would never do, I'm sure, - said Alice: - the governess  would never think of excusing me lessons for that. If she couldn't  remember  my name, she'd call me "Miss!" as the servants do.
- Well. if she said "Miss," and didn't say anything more, - the  Gnat remarked, - of course you'd miss your lessons. That's a joke. I  wish  YOU had made it.
- Why do you wish _I_ had made it? - Alice asked. - It's a  very  bad one.
But the Gnat only sighed deeply, while two large tears  came  rolling down its cheeks.
- You shouldn't make jokes, - Alice  said,  -  if  it  makes  you  so unhappy.
Then came another of those melancholy little sighs, and this time the poor Gnat really seemed to have sighed itself away, for, when Alice looked up, there was nothing whatever to be seen on the twig,  and,  as  she  was getting quite chilly with sitting still so, long she got up and walked on.      She very soon came to an open field, with a wood on the other side of it: it looked much darker than the last wood,  and  Alice  felt  a  LITTLE timid about going into it. However, on second thoughts, she  made  up  her mind to go on: - for I certainly won't go BACK, - she thought to  herself, and this was the only way to the Eighth Square.
- This must be the wood, she said thoughtfully to  herself,  -  where things have no names. I wonder what'll become of MY name when I go  in?  I shouldn't like to lose it at all - because they'd have to give me another, and it would be almost certain to be an ugly one. But then the  fun  would be, trying to find the creature that had got my old name! That's just like the advertisements, you know, when people lose dogs - "ANSWERS TO THE NAME OF - DASH: - HAD ON A BRASS COLLAR" - just fancy  calling  everything  you met "Alice," till one of them answered! Only they wouldn't answer at  all, if they were wise.
She was rambling on in this way when she reached the wood: it  looked very cool and shady. - Well, at any rate it's a great comfort, she said as she stepped under the trees, - after being so hot, to get into the -  into WHAT? - she went on, rather surprised at not being able to  think  of  the word. - I mean to get under the -  under  the  under  THIS,  you  know!  - putting her hand on the trunk of the tree.
- What DOES it call itself, I wonder? I do believe it's got  no  name why, to be sure it hasn't!
She stood silent for a minute,  thinking:  then  she  suddenly  began again. - Then it really HAS happened, after all! And how, who am I? I WILL remember, if I can! I'm determined to do it! - But being determined didn't
help much, and all she could say, after a great deal of puzzling,  was,  - L, I KNOW it begins with L!
Just then a Fawn came wandering by: it looked at Alice with its large gentle eyes, but didn't seem at all frightened. - Here then! Here then!  - Alice said, as he held out her hand and tried to stroke it;  but  it  only started back a little, and then stood looking at her again.
- What do you call yourself? - the Fawn said at  last.  Such  a  soft sweet voice it had!
- I wish I knew! - thought poor Alice. She answered, rather sadly,  - Nothing, just now.
- Think again, - it said: - that won't do. Alice thought, but nothing came of it. - Please, would you tell me
what YOU call yourself? - she said timidly. - I think that  might  help  a little.
- I'll tell you, of you'll move a little further on, - the Fawn said.- I can't remember here.
So they walked on together though  the  wood,  Alice  with  her  arms clasped lovingly round the soft neck of the Fawn, till they came out  into another open field, and here the Fawn gave a sudden bound  into  the  air, and shook itself free from Alice's arms. - I'm a Fawn! - it cried out in a voice of delight, - and, dear me! you're a human child! - A sudden look of alarm came into its beautiful brown eyes, and in  another  moment  it  had darted away a full speed.
Alice stood looking after it, almost ready to cry  with  vexation  at having lost her dear little fellow-traveller so  suddenly.  -  However,  I know my name now. - she said, - that's SOME comfort. Alice - Alice I won't forget it again. And now, which of these finger-posts ought I to follow, I wonder?
It was not a very difficult question to answer, as there was only one road through the wood, and the two finger-posts both pointed along  it.  - I'll settle it, - Alice said to herself, - when the road divides and  they point different ways.
But this did not seem likely to happen. She went on and  on,  a  long way, but wherever the road divided there were sure to be two  finger-posts pointing the same way, one marked - TO TWEEDLEDUM'S HOUSE - and the  other - TO THE HOUSE OF TWEEDLEDEE.
- I do believe, - said Alice at last, - that they live  in  the  same house! I wonder I never thought of that before - But I  can't  stay  there long. I'll just call and say "how d'you do?" and ask them the way  out  of the wood. If I could only get the Eighth Square before it gets dark! -  So she wandered on, talking to herself as she went, till, on turning a  sharp corner, she came upon two fat little men, so suddenly that she  could  not help starting back, but in another moment she recovered  herself,  feeling sure that they must be.


CHAPTER IV
TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE


They were standing under a tree, each with an arm round  the  other's neck, and Alice knew which was which in a moment, because one of them  had - DUM - embroidered on his collar, and  the  other  -  DEE.  -  I  suppose they've each got "TWEEDLE" round at the back of the collar, - she said  to herself.
They stood so still that she quite forgot they were  alive,  and  she was just looking round to see if the word "TWEEDLE"  was  written  at  the back of each collar, when she was startled by a voice coming from the  one marked - DUM.
- If you think we're wax-works, - he said, - you ought  to  pay,  you know. Wax-works weren't made to be looked at for nothing, Nohow!
- Contrariwise, - added the one marked - DEE, - if  you  think  we're alive, you ought to speak.
- I'm sure I'm very sorry, - was all Alice could say; for  the  words of the old song kept ringing through her head like the ticking of a clock, and she could hardly help saying them out loud:

- Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Agreed to have a battle;
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee
Had spoiled his nice new rattle.

Just then flew down a monstrous crow,
As black as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so,
They quite forgot their quarrel.

- I know what you're thinking about, -  said  Tweedledum:  -  but  it isn't so, nohow.
- Contrariwise, - continued Tweedledee, - if it was so, it might  be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- I was thinking, - Alice said very politely, - which is the best way out of this wood: it's getting so dark. Would you tell me, please?
But the little men only looked at each other and grinned.
They looked so exactly like a couple of great schoolboys, that  Alice couldn't help pointing her finger at Tweedledum, and saying - First Boy!
- Nohow! - Tweedledum cried out briskly, and shut his mouth up  again with a snap.
- Next Boy! - said Alice, passing on to Tweedledee, though  she  felt quite certain he would only shout out "Contrariwise! - and so he did.
- You've been wrong! - cried Tweedledum. - The first thing in a visit is to say "How d'ye do?" and shake hands! - And here the two brothers gave each other a hug, and then they held out the two hands that were free,  to shake hands with her.
Alice did not like shaking hands with either of them first, for  fear of hurting the other one's feelings; so,  as  the  best  way  out  of  the difficulty, she took hold of both hands at once: the next moment they were dancing found in  a  ring.  This  seemed  quite  natural  (she  remembered afterwards), and she was not even surprised  to  hear  music  playing:  it seemed to come from the tree under which they were  dancing,  and  it  was done (as well as she could make it out) by the branches rubbing one across the other, like fiddles and fiddle-sticks.
- But it certainly WAS funny, - (Alice said afterwards, when she  was telling her sister the history of all this,)  -  to  find  myself  singing "HERE WE GO ROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH." I don't know when I  began  it,  but somehow I felt as if I'd been singing it a long long time!
The other two dancers were fat, and very soon out of breath.  -  Four times round is enough for one dance, - Tweedledum  panted  out,  and  they left off dancing as suddenly as they had begun: the music stopped  at  the same moment.
Then they let go of Alice's hands, and stood looking  at  her  for  a minute: there was a rather awkward pause, as  Alice  didn't  know  how  to begin a conversation with people she had just  been  dancing  with.  -  It would never do to say "How d'ye do?" NOW, - she said to herself: - we seem to have got beyond that, somehow!
- I hope you're not much tired? - she said at last.
- Nohow. And thank you VERY much for asking, - said Tweedledum.
- So much obliged! - added Tweedledee. - You like poetry?
- Ye-es. pretty well - SOME poetry, - Alice said doubtfully. -  Would you tell me which road leads out of the wood?
- What shall I repeat to her? - said  Tweedledee,  looking  round  at Tweedledum with great solemn eyes, and not noticing Alice's question.
- "THE WALRUS  AND  THE  CARPENTER"  is  the  longest,  -  Tweedledum replied, giving his brother an affectionate hug.
Tweedledee began instantly:
- The sun was shining   
Here Alice ventured to interrupt him. - If  it's  VERY  long,  -  she said, as politely as she could, - would you please  tell  me  first  which road
Tweedledee smiled gently, and began again:

- The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright

And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun

Had got no business to be there
After the day was done
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:

No birds were flying over head
There were no birds to fly.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;

They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it WOULD be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"

"I doubt it", said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.
"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.

"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him.
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head

Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:

Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more

All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,

And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes  -  and ships  -  and sealing-wax
Of cabbages  -  and kings

And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings."
"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;

For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed

Now if you're ready Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."
"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue,

"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:

I wish you were not quite so deaf
I've had to ask you twice!"
"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,

After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Walrus said.
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size.

Holding his pocket handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
"O Oysters," said the Carpenter.
"You've had a pleasant run!

Shall we be trotting home again?"
But answer came there none
And that was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.

- I like the Walrus best, - said Alice: - because you see  he  was  a LITTLE sorry for the poor oysters.
- He ate more than the Carpenter, though, - said  Tweedledee.  -  You see he held his handkerchief in front,  so  that  the  Carpenter  couldn't count how many he took: contrariwise.
- That was mean!  -  Alice  said  indignantly.  -  Then  I  like  the Carpenter best - if he didn't eat so many as the Walrus.
- But he ate as many as he could get, - said Tweedledum. This  was  a puzzler. After a pause, Alice began, - Well! They were BOTH very unpleasant characters - Here she checked herself in some  alarm, at hearing something that sounded to her  like  the  puffing  of  a  large steam-engine in the wood near them, thought she feared it was more  likely to be a wild beast. - Are there any lions or  tigers  about  here?  -  she asked timidly.
- It's only the Red King snoring, - said Tweedledee.
- Come and look at him! - the brothers cried, and they each took  one of Alice's hands, and led her up to where the King was sleeping.
- Isn't he a LOVELY  sight?"  said  Tweedledum.  Alice  couldn't  say honestly that he was. He had a tall red night-cap on, with a tassel, and he was lying crumpled up  into  a  sort  of  untidy heap, and snoring loud - fit to  snore  his  head  off!  -  as  Tweedledum remarked.
- I'm afraid he'll catch cold with lying on the damp  grass,  -  said Alice, who was a very thoughtful little girl.
- He's dreaming now, - said Tweedledee: - and what do you think  he's dreaming about?
Alice said - Nobody can guess that. - Why, about  YOU!  -  Tweedledee exclaimed, clapping his hands triumphantly.  - And if he left off dreaming about  you,  where  do  you suppose you'd be?  
- Where I am now, of course, - said Alice.
- Not you! - Tweedledee retorted contemptuously. - You'd be  nowhere. Why, you're only a sort of thing in his dream!
- If that there King was to wake, - added Tweedledum, - you'd go  out - bang! - just like a candle!
- I shouldn't! - Alice exclaimed indignantly. - Besides, if I'M  only a sort of thing in his dream, what are YOU, I should like to know?
- Ditto - said Tweedledum.
- Ditto, ditto - cried Tweedledee. He shouted this so loud that Alice couldn't help saying, - Hush!
You'll be waking him, I'm afraid, if you make so much noise.
- Well, it no use YOUR talking about waking him, - said Tweedledum, - when you're only one of the things in his dream. You know very well you're not real.
- I AM real! - said Alice and began to cry.
- You won't make yourself a  bit  realler  by  crying,  -  Tweedledee remarked: - there's nothing to cry about.
- If I wasn't real, - Alice said - half-laughing though her tears, it all seemed so ridiculous - I shouldn't be able to cry.
- I hope you  don't  suppose  those  are  real  tears?  -  Tweedledum interrupted in a tone of great contempt.
- I know they're talking nonsense, - Alice thought to herself: -  and it's foolish to cry about it. - So she brushed away her tears, and went on as cheerfully as she could. - At any rate I'd better be getting out of the wood, for really it's coming on very dark. Do  you  think  it's  going  to rain?
Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself and his brother,  and looked up into it. - No, I don't think it is, - he said: - at least -  not under HERE. Nohow.
- But it may rain OUTSIDE?
- It may - if it chooses, - said Tweedledee: -  we've  no  objection. Contrariwise.
- Selfish things! - thought Alice, and she was just going  to  say  - Good-night - and leave them, when Tweedledum sprang  out  from  under  the umbrella and seized her by the wrist.
- Do you see THAT? - he said, in a voice choking  with  passion,  and his eyes grew large and yellow all in a  moment,  as  he  pointed  with  a trembling finger at a small white thing lying under the tree.
- It's only a rattle, - Alice said, after a  careful  examination  of the little white thing. -  Not  a  rattleSNAKE,  you  know,  -  she  added hastily, thinking that he was frightened: only an old rattle -  quite  old and broken.
- I knew it was! - cried Tweedledum, beginning to stamp about  wildly and tear his hair.  -  It's  spoilt,  of  course!  -  Here  he  looked  at Tweedledee, who immediately sat down on the  ground,  and  tried  to  hide himself under the umbrella.
Alice laid her hand upon his arm, and said in a soothing tone, -  You needn't be so angry about an old rattle.
- But it isn't old! - Tweedledum cried, in a greater fury than  ever. - It's new, I tell you - I bought it yesterday - my nice New RATTLE! – and his voice rose to a perfect scream.
All this time Tweedledee was trying his best to fold up the umbrella, with himself in it: which was such an extraordinary thing to do,  that  it quite took off Alice's attention from the angry brother. But  he  couldn't quite succeed, and it ended  in  his  rolling  over,  bundled  up  in  the umbrella, with only his head out: and there he lay, opening  and  shutting his mouth and his large eyes - 'looking more like  a  fish  than  anything else, - Alice thought.
- Of course you agree to have a battle? - Tweedledum said in a calmer tone.
- I suppose so, - the other sulkily replied, as he crawled out of the umbrella: - only SHE must help us to dress up, you know.
So the two brothers went off hand-in-hand into the wood, and returned in a minute with their arms full of things - such as  bolsters,  blankets, hearth-rugs, table-cloths, dish-covers and coal-scuttles. - I hope  you're a good hand a pinning and tying strings? - Tweedledum  remarked.  -  Every one of these things has got to go on, somehow or other.
Alice said afterwards she had never  seen  such  a  fuss  made  about anything in all her life - the  way  those  two  bustled  about  -and  the quantity of things they put on - and the trouble they gave  her  in  tying strings and fastening buttons - Really they'll be more like bundles of old clothes that anything else, by the time  they're  ready!  -  she  said  to herself, as he arranged a bolster round the neck of Tweedledee, - to  keep his head from being cut off, - as he said.
- You know, - he added very gravely, - it's one of the  most  serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle - to get one's head cut off.
Alice laughed loud: but she managed to turn it into a cough, for fear of hurting his feelings.
- Do I look very pale? - said  Tweedledum,  coming  up  to  have  his helmet tied on. (He CALLED it a helmet, though it  certainly  looked  much more like a saucepan.)
- Well - yes - a LITTLE, - Alice replied gently.
- I'm very brave generally, - he went on  in  a  low  voice:  -  only to-day I happen to have a headache.
- And I'VE got a toothache! - said Tweedledee, who had overheard  the remark. - I'm far worse off than you!
- Then you'd better not fight to-day, - said  Alice,  thinking  it  a good opportunity to make peace.
- We MUST have a bit of a fight, but I  don't  care  about  going  on long, - said Tweedledum. - What's the time now?
Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said - Half-past  four.  -  Let's fight till six, and then have dinner, - said Tweedledum. -  Very  well,  - the other said, rather sadly: - and SHE can watch us only you'd better not come VERY close, - he  added:   - I  generally  hit everything I can see  -  when I get really excited.  
- And _I_ hit everything within reach, - cried Tweedledum, -  whether I can see it or not!
Alice laughed. - You must hit the TREES pretty often, I should think, - she said.
Tweedledum looked round him with a satisfied smile. I don't  suppose, - he said, - there'll be a tree left standing, for ever so far  round,  by the time we've finished!
- And all about a rattle! - said Alice, still hoping to make  them  a LITTLE ashamed of fighting for such a trifle.
- I shouldn't have minded it so much, -  said  Tweedledum,  -  if  it hadn't been a new one.
- I wish the monstrous crow would come! - though Alice.
- There's only one sword, you know, - Tweedledum said to his brother: - but you can have the umbrella - it's quite as sharp. Only we must  begin quick. It's getting as dark as it can.
- And darker. - said Tweedledee. It was getting dark so suddenly that Alice thought there must be a thunderstorm coming on. - What a thick black cloud that is! - she said.  - And how fast it comes! Why, I do believe it's got wings!
- It's the crow! - Tweedledum cried out in a shrill voice  of  alarm: and the two brothers took to their heels  and  were  out  of  sight  in  a moment.
Alice ran a little way into the wood, and stopped under a large tree. - It can never get at me HERE, - she thought: -  it's  far  too  large  to squeeze itself in among the trees. But I wish it wouldn't flap  its  wings so - it make quite a hurricane in the wood - here's somebody's shawl being blown away!


CHAPTER V
Wool and Water

She caught the shawl as she spoke, and looked about for the owner: in another moment the White Queen came running wildly through the wood,  with both arms stretched out wide, as  if  she  were  flying,  and  Alice  very civilly went to meet her with the shawl.
- I'm very glad I happened to be in the way, -  Alice  said,  as  she helped her to put on her shawl again.
The While Queen only looked at her in a helpless frightened  sort  of way, and kept repeating something in a whisper  to  herself  that  sounded like - bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter, - and Alice felt that if  there was to be any conversation at all, she must  manage  it  herself.  So  she began rather timidly: - Am I addressing the White Queen?
- Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing, -  The  Queen  said.  -  It isn't MY notion of the thing, at all".
Alice thought it would never do to  have  an  argument  at  the  very beginning of their conversation, so she smiled and said, - If your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin, I'll do it as well as I can.
- But I don't want it done at all! - groaned the poor Queen.  -  I've been a-dressing myself for the last two hours.
It would have been all the better, as it seemed to Alice, if she  had got some one else to dress her, she was  so  dreadfully  untidy.  -  Every single thing's crooked, - Alice thought to herself, - and she's  all  over pins! - may I put your shawl straight for you? - she added aloud.
- I don't know what's the matter with it! -  the  Queen  said,  in  a melancholy voice. - It's out of temper, I think. I've pinned it here,  and I've pinned it there, but there's no pleasing it!
- It CAN'T go straight, you know, if you pin  it  all  on  one  side, Alice said, as she gently put it right for her; - and,  dear  me,  what  a state your hair is in!
- The brush has got entangled in it! - the Queen said with a sigh.  - And I lost the comb yesterday.
Alice carefully released the brush, and did her best to get the  hair into order. - Come, you look rather better now! - she said, after altering most of the pins. - But really you should have a lady's maid!
- I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure! - the Queen said. -  Twopence a week, and jam every other day.
Alice couldn't help laughing, as she said, - I don't want you to hire ME - and I don't care for jam.
- It's very good jam, - said the Queen.
- Well, I don't want any TO-DAY, at any rate.
- You couldn't have it if you DID want it, - the Queen  said.  -  The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday - but never jam to-day.
- It MUST come sometimes to "jam do-day," - Alice objected.
- No, it can't, - said the Queen. - It's jam every OTHER day:  to-day isn't any OTHER day, you know.
- I don't understand you, - said Alice. - It's dreadfully confusing!
- That's the effect of living backwards, - the Queen said  kindly:  - it always makes one a little giddy at first.
- Living backwards! - Alice repeated in great astonishment. - I never heard of such a thing!
- but there's one great advantage in it, that one's memory works both ways.
- I'm sure MINE only works one way.  -  Alice  remarked.  -  I  can't remember things before they happen.
- It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards, -  the  Queen remarked.
- What sort of things do YOU remember best? - Alice ventured to ask.
- Oh, things that happened the week after next, - the  Queen  replied in a careless tone. - For instance, now, - she went on, sticking  a  large piece of plaster [band-aid] on her finger as  she  spoke,  -  there's  the King's Messenger. He's in  prison  now,  being  punished:  and  the  trial doesn't even begin till next Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last of all.
- Suppose he never commits the crime? - said Alice.
- That would be all the better wouldn't it? - the Queen said, as  she bound the plaster round her finger with a bit of ribbon.
Alice felt there was no denying THAT. - Of course it would be all the better, - she said: -  but  it  wouldn't  be  all  the  better  his  being punished.
- You're wrong THERE, at any rate, - said the Queen: - were YOU  ever punished?
- Only for faults, - said Alice.
- And you were all the better for  it,  I  know!  -  the  Queen  said triumphantly.
- Yes, but then I HAD done the things I  was  punished  for,  -  said Alice: - that makes all the difference.
- But if you HADN'T done them, - the Queen said, -  that  would  have been better still; better, and better, and better! - Her voice went higher with each - better, - till it got quite to a squeak at last.
Alice was just beginning to say - There's a mistake somewhere-, -  ** when the Queen began screaming so loud that she had to leave the  sentence unfinished. - Oh, oh, oh! - shouted the Queen, shaking her hand  about  as if she wanted to shake it off. - My finger's bleeding! Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Her screams were so exactly like the whistle of a steam-engine,  that Alice had to hold both her hands over her ears.
- What IS the matter? - she said, as soon as there was  a  chance  of making herself heard. - Have you pricked your finger?
- I haven't pricked it YET, - the Queen said, - but I soon shall  oh, oh, oh!
- When do you expect to do it?  -  Alice  asked,  feeling  very  much inclined to laugh.
- When I fasten my shawl again, - the poor Queen groaned out:  -  the brooch will come undone directly. Oh, oh! - As  she  said  the  words  the brooch flew open, and the Queen clutched wildly at it, and tried to  clasp it again.
- Take care! - cried Alice. - You're holding it all  crooked!  -  And she caught at the brooch; but it was too late: the pin  had  slipped,  and the Queen had pricked her finger.
- That accounts for the bleeding, you see, - she said to Alice with a smile. - Now you understand the way things happen here.
- But why don't you scream now? -  Alice  asked,  holding  her  hands ready to put over her ears again.
- Why, I've done all the screaming already, - said the Queen. - What would be the good of having it all over again?
By this time it was getting light. - The crow must have flown away, I think, - said Alice: - I'm so glad it's gone. I thought it was  the  night coming on.
- I wish _I_ could manage to be glad! - the  Queen  said.  -  Only  I never can remember the rule. You must be very happy, living in this  wood, and being glad whenever you like!
- Only it is so VERY lonely here! - Alice said in a melancholy voice; and at the thought of her loneliness two large tears came rolling down her cheeks.
- Oh, don't go on like that! - cried the  poor  Queen,  wringing  her hands in despair. - Consider what a great girl you are.  Consider  what  a long way you've  come  to-day.  Consider  what  o'clock  it  is.  Consider anything, only don't cry!
Alice could not help laughing at this,  even  in  the  midst  of  her tears. - Can YOU keep from crying by considering things? - she asked.
- That's the way it's done, - the Queen said with great  decision:  - nobody can do two things at once, you know.  Let's  consider  you  age  to begin with - how old are you?
- I - m seven and a half exactly.
- You needn't say "exactually," - the Queen remarked: - I can believe it without that. Now I'll give YOU something  to  believe.  I'm  just  one hundred and one, five months and a day.
- I can't believe THAT! - said Alice.
- Can't you? - the Queen said in a pitying tone. - Try again: draw  a long breath, and shut your eyes.
Alice laughed. - There's not use trying, -  she  said:  -  one  CAN'T believe impossible things.
- I daresay you haven't had much practice, - said the Queen. - When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes  I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the shawl again!
The brooch had come undone as she spoke, and a sudden  gust  of  wind blew the Queen's shawl across a little brook. The  Queen  spread  out  her arms again, and went flying after it,  and  this  time  she  succeeded  in catching it for herself. - I've got! - she cried in a triumphant  tone.  - Now you shall see me pin it on again, all by myself!
- Then I hope your finger is better now? - Alice said very  politely, as she crossed the little brook after the Queen.

* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *

- Oh, much better! - cried the Queen, her voice rising to a squeak as she went on. - Much be-etter! Be-etter! Be-e-e-etter! Be-e-ehh! - The last word ended in a long bleat, so like a sheep that Alice quite started.
She looked at the Queen, who seemed to have suddenly wrapped  herself up in wool. Alice rubbed her eyes, and looked again. She couldn't make out what had happened at all. Was she in a shop? And was that really - was  it really a SHEEP that was sitting on the other side of the counter?  Rub  as she could, she could make nothing more of it: she was  in  a  little  dark shop, leaning with her elbows on the counter, and opposite to  her  was  a old Sheep, sitting in an  arm-chair  knitting,  and  every  now  and  then leaving off to look at her through a great pair of spectacles.
- What is it you want to buy? - the Sheep said at  last,  looking  up for a moment from her knitting.
- I don't QUITE know yet, - Alice said, very gently. I should like to look all round me first, if I might.
- You may look in front of you, and on both sides, if you like,  said the Sheep: - but you can't look ALL round you - unless you've got eyes  at the back of your head.
But these, as it happened,  Alice  had  NOT  got:  so  she  contented herself with turning round, looking at the shelves as she came to them.
The shop seemed to be full of all manner of curious things - but  the oddest part of it all was, that whenever she looked hard at any shelf,  to make out exactly what it had on it, that particular shelf was always quite empty: though the others round it were crowded as full as they could hold. - Things flow about so here! - she said at last in a plaintive tone, after she had spent a minute or so in vainly pursuing a large bright thing, that looked sometimes like a doll and sometimes like a work-box, and was always in the shelf next above the one she was looking at. - And this one is  the most provoking of all - but I'll tell you what - she added,  as  a  sudden thought struck her, - I'll follow it up to the  very  top  shelf  of  all. It'll puzzle it to go through the ceiling, I expect!
But even this plan failed: the - thing - went through the ceiling  as quietly as possible, as if it were quite used to it.
- Are you a child or a teetotum? - the Sheep said,  as  she  took  up another pair of needles. - You'll make me giddy soon, if you go on turning round like that. - She was now working with fourteen pairs  at  once,  and Alice couldn't help looking at her in great astonishment.
- How CAN she knit with so many?  -  the  puzzled  child  thought  to herself. - She gets more and more like a porcupine every minute!
- Can you row? - the Sheep asked, handing  her  a  pair  of  knitting needles as she spoke.
- Yes, a little - but not on land - and not with  needles  Alice  was beginning to say, when suddenly the needles turned into oars in her hands, and she found they were in a little boat, gliding along between banks:  so there was nothing for it but to do her best.
- Feather! - cried the Sheep, as she took up another pair of needles. This didn't sound like a remark that needed any answer, so Alice said nothing, but pulled away. There was something very queer about the  water, she thought, as every now and then the oars got  fast  in  it,  and  would hardly come out again.
- Feather! Feather! - the Sheep cried again, taking more  needles.  - You'll be catching a crab directly.
- A dear little crab! - thought Alice. - I should like that.
- Didn't you hear me say "Feather"? - the Sheep cried angrily, taking up quite a bunch of needles.
- Indeed I did, - said Alice: - you've said it very often - and  very loud. Please, where ARE the crabs?
- In the water, of course! - said the Sheep,  sticking  some  of  the needles into her hair, as her hands were full. - Feather, I say!
- WHY do you say "feather" so often? - Alice asked  at  last,  rather vexed. 'I'm not a bird!
- You are, - said the Sheet: - you're a little goose.  This  offended Alice a little, so there was no more conversation for a minute or two, while the boat glided gently on, sometimes  among  beds  of weeds (which made the oars stick fast in the water, worse then ever),  and sometimes under trees, but always with the same tall river-banks  frowning
over their heads.
- Oh, please! There are some scented  rushes!  -  Alice  cried  in  a sudden transport of delight. - There really are - and SUCH beauties!
- You needn't say "please" to ME about - em - the Sheep said, without looking up from her knitting: - I didn't put - em there, and I'm not going to take - em away.
- No, but I meant - please, may  we  wait  and  pick  some?  -  Alice pleaded. - If you don't mind stopping the boat for a minute.
- How am _I_ to stop it? - said the Sheep. - If you leave off rowing, it'll stop of itself.
So the boat was left to drift down the stream as it  would,  till  it glided gently in among the waving rushes. And then the little sleeves were carefully rolled up, and the little arms were plunged in elbow-deep to get the rushes a good long way down before breaking them off - and for a while Alice forgot all about the Sheep and the knitting, as she  bent  over  the side of the boat, with just the ends of her tangled hair dipping into  the water - while with bright eager eyes she caught at one bunch after another of the darling scented rushes.
- I only hope the boat won't tipple over! - she said to herself.  Oh, WHAT a lovely one! Only I couldn't quite reach it. - And it certainly  DID seem a little provoking ( - almost as  if  it  happened  on  purpose,  she thought) that, though she managed to pick plenty of  beautiful  rushes  as the boat glided by, there was always a more lovely one that  she  couldn't reach.
- The prettiest are always further! - she said at last, with  a  sigh at the obstinacy of the rushes in growing so far  off,  as,  with  flushed cheeks and dripping hair and hands, she scrambled back into her place, and began to arrange her new-found treasures.
What mattered it to her just than that the rushes had begun to  fade, and to lose all their scent and beauty, from  the  very  moment  that  she picked them? Even real scented rushes, you know, last only a  very  little while - and these, being dream-rushes, melted away almost  like  snow,  as they lay in heaps at her feet -but Alice hardly noticed this,  there  were so many other curious things to think about.
They hadn't gone much farther before the blade of one of the oars got fast in the water and WOULDN'T come  out  again  (so  Alice  explained  it afterwards), and the consequence was that the  handle  of  it  caught  her under the chin, and, in spite of a series of little shrieks of -  Oh,  oh, oh! - from poor Alice, it swept her straight off the seat, and down  among the heap of rushes.
However, she wasn't hurt, and was soon up again: the  Sheep  went  on with her knitting all the while, just as if nothing had happened.
- That was a nice crab you caught! - she remarked, as Alice got  back into her place, very much relieved to find herself still in the boat.
- Was it? I didn't see it, - Said Alice, peeping cautiously over  the side of the boat into the dark water. - I wish it hadn't let go - I should so like to see a little crab to take home with me! - But  the  Sheep  only laughed scornfully, and went on with her knitting.
- Are there many crabs here? - said Alice.
- Crabs, and all sorts of things, -  said  the  Sheep:  -  plenty  of choice, only make up your mind. Now, what DO you want to buy?
- To buy! - Alice echoes in a tone that was half astonished and  half frightened - for the oars, and the boat, and the river, had  vanished  all in a moment, and she was back again in the little dark shop.
- I should like to buy an egg, please, - she said timidly. -  How  do you sell them?
- Fivepence farthing for one - Twopence for two, - the Sheep replied.
- Then two are cheaper than one? - Alice said in  a  surprised  tone, taking out her purse.
- Only you MUST eat them both, if you buy two, - said the Sheep.
- Then I'll have ONE, please, - said Alice, as she put the money down on the counter. For she thought to herself, -  They  mightn't  be  at  all nice, you know.
The Sheep took the money, and put it away in a box: then she said - I never put things into people's hands - that would never do - you must  get it for yourself. - And so saying, she went off to the  other  end  of  the shop, and set the egg upright on a shelf.
- I wonder WHY it wouldn't do? - thought Alice, as she groped her way among the tables and chairs, for the shop was very dark towards the end. - The egg seems to get further away the more I walk towards it. Let me  see, is this a chair? Why, it's got branches, I declare! How very odd  to  find trees growing here! And actually here's a little brook! Well, this is  the very queerest shop I ever saw!

* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *

So she went on, wondering more and more at every step, as  everything turned into a tree the moment she came up to it, and  she  quite  expected the egg to do the same.


CHAPTER VI
Humpty Dumpty

However, the egg only got larger and larger, and more and more human: when she had come within a few yards of it, she saw that it had eyes and a nose and mouth; and when she had come close to it, she saw clearly that it was HUMPTY DUMPTY himself. - It can't be  anybody  else!  -  she  said  to herself. - I'm as certain of it, as if his name were written all over  his face.
It might have been written a hundred times, easily, on that  enormous face. Humpty Dumpty was sitting with his legs crossed, like a Turk, on the top of a high wall - such a narrow one that Alice quite  wondered  how  he could keep his balance - and, as his  eyes  were  steadily  fixed  in  the opposite direction, and he didn't  take  the  least  notice  of  her,  she thought he must be a stuffed figure after all.
- And how exactly like an egg he is! - she said aloud, standing  with her hands ready to catch him, for she was every moment  expecting  him  to fall.
- It's VERY provoking, - Humpty Dumpty said  after  a  long  silence, looking away from Alice as he spoke, - to be called an egg -VERY!
- I said you LOOKED like an egg, Sir, - Alice gently explained. – And some eggs are very pretty, you know, she added, hoping to turn her  remark into a sort of a compliment.
- Some people, - said Humpty Dumpty, looking away from her as  usual, - have no more sense than a baby!
Alice didn't know what  to  say  to  this:  it  wasn't  at  all  like conversation, she thought, as he never said anything to HER; in fact,  his last remark was evidently addressed to a tree - so she  stood  and  softly repeated to herself:

- Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.

- That last line is much too long for the poetry, - she added, almost out loud, forgetting that Humpty Dumpty would hear her.
- Don't stand there chattering to yourself like that, - Humpty Dumpty said, looking at her for the first time, - but tell me your name and  your business.
- My NAME is Alice, but
- It's a stupid name enough! - Humpty Dumpty interrupted impatiently.
- What does it mean?
- MUST a name mean something? - Alice asked doubtfully.
- Of course it must, - Humpty Dumpty said with a  sort  laugh:  -  MY name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too.  With  a name like your, you might be any shape, almost.
- Why do you sit out here all alone? - said  Alice,  not  wishing  to begin an argument.
- Why, because there's nobody with me! - cried Humpty Dumpty.  -  Did you think I didn't know the answer to THAT? Ask another.
- Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground? - Alice went on, not with any idea of making another riddle, but simply in her good-natured anxiety for the queer creature. - That wall is so VERY narrow!
- What tremendously easy riddles you ask!  -  Humpty  Dumpty  growled out. - Of course I don't think so! Why, if  ever  I  DID  fall  off  which there's no chance of - but IF I did - Here he pursed his lips  and  looked so solemn and grand that Alice could hardly help  laughing.  -  IF  I  did fall, - he went on, - THE KING HAS PROMISED ME WITH HIS VERY OWN  MOUTH  - to - to.
- To send all his horses and all his men, - Alice interrupted, rather unwisely.
- Now I declare that's too bad! - Humpty Dumpty cried, breaking  into a sudden passion. - You've been listening at doors - and  behind  trees  - and sown chimneys - or you couldn't have known it!
- I haven't, indeed! - Alice said very gently. - It's in a book.
- Ah, well! They may write such things in a  BOOK,  -  Humpty  Dumpty said in a calmer tone. - That's what you call a History of  England,  that is. Now, take a good look at me! I'm one that has spoken to  a  King,  _I_ am: mayhap you'll never see such another: and to show you I'm  not  proud, you may shake hands with me! - And he grinned almost from ear to  ear,  as he leant forwards (and as nearly as possible fell of the wall in doing so) and offered Alice his hand. She watched him a little anxiously as she took it. - If he smiled much more, the ends of his mouth might meet  behind,  - she thought: - and then I don't know what would happen to  his  head!  I'm afraid it would come off!
- Yes, all his horses and all his men, - Humpty  Dumpty  went  on.  - They'd  pick  me  up  again  in  a  minute,  THEY  would!  However,   this conversation is going on a little too fast: let's  go  back  to  the  last remark but one.
- I'm afraid I can't quite remember it, - Alice said very politely.
- In that case we start fresh, - said Humpty Dumpty, -  and  it's  my turn to choose a subject - ( - He talks about it just as if it was a game! - thought Alice.) - So here's a question for you. How old did you say  you were?
Alice made a short calculation,  and  said  -  Seven  years  and  six months.
- Wrong! - Humpty Dumpty exclaimed triumphantly. - You never  said  a word like it!
- I though you meant "How old ARE you?" - Alice explained.
- If I'd meant that, I'd have said it, - said  Humpty  Dumpty.  Alice didn't want to begin another argument, so she said nothing. - Seven years and six months! - Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully. - An uncomfortable sort of age. Now if you'd asked MY advice, I'd  have said "Leave off at seven"  -  but it's too late now.  
- I never ask advice about growing, - Alice said Indignantly.
- Too proud? - the other inquired. Alice felt even more indignant  at this suggestion. - I mean, - she said, - that one can't help growing older.
- ONE can't, perhaps, - said Humpty  Dumpty,  -  but  TWO  can.  With proper assistance, you might have left off at seven.
- What a beautiful belt you've got on!  -  Alice  suddenly  remarked. (They had had quite enough of the subject of age, she thought: and if they really were to take turns in choosing subjects, it was her turn now.) – At least, - she corrected herself on second thoughts, - a beautiful cravat, I should have said - no, a belt, I mean - I beg your pardon! - she added  in dismay, for Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly offended,  and  she  began  to wish she hadn't chosen that subject. - If I only knew, -  the  thought  to herself, 'which was neck and which was waist!
Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry, though he said nothing for  a minute or two. When he DID speak again, it was in a deep growl.
- It is a - MOST - PROVOKING - thing, - he said at  last,  -  when  a person doesn't know a cravat from a belt!
- I know it's very ignorant of me, - Alice said, in so humble a  tone that Humpty Dumpty relented.
- It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful  one,  as  you  say.  It's  a present from the White King and Queen. There now!
- Is it really? - said Alice, quite pleased  to  find  that  she  HAD chosen a good subject, after all.
- They gave it me, - Humpty  Dumpty  continued  thoughtfully,  as  he crossed one knee over the other and clasped his hands  round  it,  -  they gave it me - for an un-birthday present.
- I beg your pardon? - Alice said with a puzzled air.
- I'm not offended, - said Humpty Dumpty.
- I mean, what IS and un-birthday present?
- A present given when it  isn't  your  birthday,  of  course.  Alice considered a little. - I like birthday presents best, - she said at last.
- You don't know what you're talking about! - cried Humpty Dumpty.  - How many days are there in a year?
- Three hundred and sixty-five, - said Alice.
- And how many birthdays have you?
- One.
- And if you  take  one  from  three  hundred  and  sixty-five,  what remains?
- Three hundred and  sixty-four,  of  course.  Humpty  Dumpty  looked doubtful. - I'd rather see that done on paper,
he said.
Alice couldn't help smiling as she took out her memorandum- book, and  worked the sum for him:

365
1
---
364
---

Humpty Dumpty took the book, and looked at it carefully. - That seems to be done right - he began.
- You're holding it upside down! - Alice interrupted.
- To be sure I was! - Humpty Dumpty said  gaily,  as  she  turned  it round for him. - I thought it looked a little queer. As I was saying, that SEEMS to be done right - though I haven't time to look it over  thoroughly just now - and that shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents.
- Certainly, - said Alice.
- And only ONE for birthday presents, you  know.  There's  glory  for you!
- I don't know what you mean by "glory," - Alice said. Humpty  Dumpty smiled contemptuously. - Of course you don't - till I tell you. I meant "there's a nice knock-down argument for you!"
- But "glory" doesn't mean "a  nice  knock-down  argument",  -  Alice objected.
- When _I_ use a word, - Humpty Dumpty  said  in  rather  a  scornful tone, - it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.
- The question is, - said Alice, - whether you CAN make words mean so many different things.
- The question is, - said Humpty Dumpty, -  which  is  to  be  master that's all.
Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minute  Humpty  Dumpty began again. - They've a temper, some of them -particularly  verbs, they're the proudest - adjectives you can do anything with, but not  verbs - however, _I_ can manage the whole of them! Impenetrability! That's  what _I_ say!
- Would you tell me, please, - said Alice - what that means?
- Now you talk like a reasonable child, - said Humpty Dumpty, looking very much pleased. - I meant by "impenetrability" that we've had enough of that subject, and it would be just as well if you'd mention what you  mean to do next, as I suppose you don't mean to stop here all the rest of  your life.
- That's a great deal to make one  word  mean,  -  Alice  said  in  a thoughtful tone.
- When I make a word do a lot  of  work  like  that,  -  said  Humpty Dumpty, - I always pay it extra.
- Oh! - said Alice. She was  too  much  puzzled  to  make  any  other remark.
- Ah, you should see - em come round me of a Saturday night, - Humpty Dumpty went on, wagging his head gravely from side to side: - for  to  get their wages, you know.
(Alice didn't venture to ask what he paid them with; and so you see I can't tell YOU.)
- You seem very clever at explaining words,  Sir,  -  said  Alice.  - Would you kindly tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?
- Let's hear it, - said Humpty Dumpty. - I can explain all the  poems that were ever invented - and a good many that haven't been invented  justyet.
This sounded very hopeful, so Alice repeated the first verse:

- Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

- That's enough to begin with, - Humpty Dumpty interrupted:  -  there are plenty of hard words  there.  "BRILLIG"  means  four  o'clock  in  the afternoon - the time when you begin BROILING things for dinner.
- That'll do very well, - said Alice: and "SLITHY"?
- Well, "SLITHY" means "lithe and slimy".  "Lithe"  is  the  same  as "active". You see it's like a portmanteau - there are two meanings  packed up into one word.
- I see it now,  -  Alice  remarked  thoughtfully:  -  and  what  are "TOVES"?
- Well, "TOVES - are something like badgers - they're something  like lizards - and they're something like corkscrews.
- They must be very curious looking creatures.
- They are that, - said Humpty Dumpty: - also they make  their  nests under sun-dials - also they live on cheese.
- Andy what's the "GYRE" and to "GIMBLE"?
- To "GYRE" is to go round and round like a gyroscope. To "GIMBLE" is to make holes like a gimblet.
- And "THE WABE" is the grass-plot round a sun-dial, I suppose?  Said Alice, surprised at her own ingenuity.
- Of course it is. It's called "WABE," you know, because  it  goes  a long way before it, and a long way behind it
- And a long way beyond it on each side, - Alice added.
- Exactly so. Well, then, "MIMSY" is "flimsy and miserable"  (there's another portmanteau for you). And a "BOROGOVE" is a  thing  shabby-looking bird with its feathers sticking out all round something like a live mop.
- And then "MOME RATHS"? - said Alice. - I'm afraid I'm giving you  a great deal of trouble.
- Well, a "RATH" is a sort of green pig: but "MOME" I'm  not  certain about. I think it's short for "from home" - meaning that they'd lost their way, you know.
- And what does "OUTGRABE" mean?
- Well, "OUTGRIBING" is something between  bellowing  and  whistling, with a kind of sneeze in the middle: however, you'll hear it done, maybe - down in the wood yonder - and when you've once heard it  you'll  be  QUITE content. Who's been repeating all that hard stuff to you?
- I read it in a book, - said Alice. - But I had some poetry repeated to me, much easier than that, by - Tweedledee, I think it was.
- As to poetry, you know, - said Humpty Dumpty, stretching out one of his great hands, - _I_ can repeat poetry as well  as  other  folk,  if  it comes to that
- Oh, it needn't come to that! - Alice hastily said, hoping  to  keep him from beginning.
- The piece I'm going to repeat, - he went on  without  noticing  her remark, - was written entirely for your amusement.
Alice felt that in that case she really OUGHT to listen to it, so she sat down, and said - Thank you - rather sadly.
- In winter, when the fields are white,
I sing this song for your delight   
only I don't sing it, - he added, as an  explanation.  -  I  see  you  don't, - said Alice. - If you can SEE whether I'm singing or  not,  you're sharper eyes than most. - Humpty Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was silent.

- In spring, when woods are getting green,
I'll try and tell you what I mean.

- Thank you very much, - said Alice.
- In summer, when the days are long,
Perhaps you'll understand the song:

In autumn, when the leaves are brown,
Take pen and ink, and write it down.

- I will, if I can remember it so long, - said Alice.
- You needn't go on making remarks like that, - Humpty Dumpty said: -they're not sensible, and they put me out.

- I sent a message to the fish:
I told them "This is what I wish".
The little fishes of the sea,
They sent an answer back to me.

The little fishes - answer was
"We cannot do it, Sir, because  -  "
- I'm afraid I don't quite understand, - said Alice.
- It gets easier further on, - Humpty Dumpty replied.

- I sent to them again to say
"It will be better to obey."
The fishes answered with a grin,
"Why, what a temper you are in!"

I told them once, I told them twice:
They would not listen to advice.
I took a kettle large and new,
Fit for the deed I had to do.

My heart went hop, my heart went thump;
I filled the kettle at the pump.
Then some one came to me and said,
"The little fishes are in bed."

I said to him, I said it plain,
"Then you must wake them up again."
I said it very loud and clear;
I went and shouted in his ear.

Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to a scream as he repeated this verse, and Alice thought with a  shudder,  -  I  wouldn't  have  been  the messenger for ANYTHING!

- But he was very stiff and proud;
He said "You needn't shout so loud!"

And he was very proud and stiff;
He said "I'd go and wake them, if  -  "

I took a corkscrew from the shelf:
I went to wake them up myself.

And when I found the door was locked,
I pulled and pushed and knocked.

And when I found the door was shut,
I tried to turn the handle, but

There was a long pause. - Is that  all?  -  Alice  timidly  asked.  - That's all, - said Humpty Dumpty. Good-bye.
This was rather sudden, Alice thought: but, after such a VERY  strong hint that she ought to be going, she felt that it would hardly be civil to stay. So she got up, and held out her  hand.  -  Good-bye,  till  we  meet again! - she said as cheerfully as she could.
- I shouldn't know you again if we DID meet, - Humpty Dumpty  replied in a discontented tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake;  -  you're so exactly like other people.
- The face is what one goes by, generally,  -  Alice  remarked  in  a thoughtful tone.
- That - s just what I complain of, - said Humpty Dumpty. - Your face is that same as everybody has - the two eyes, so - (marking  their  places in the air with this thumb) - nose in the middle, mouth under. It's always the same. Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of  the  nose,  for instance - or the mouth at the top - that would be SOME help.
- It wouldn't look nice, - Alice objected.  But  Humpty  Dumpty  only shut his eyes and said - Wait till you've tried.
Alice waited a minute to see if he would speak again, but as he never opened his eyes or took any further notice of her, she said - Good-bye!  - once more, and, getting no answer to this, she quietly  walked  away:  but she  couldn't  help  saying  to  herself  as  she  went,  -  Of  all   the unsatisfactory - (she repeated this aloud, as it was a great comfort  have such a long word to say) - of all the unsatisfactory people I EVER  met  - She never finished the sentence, for at this moment a  heavy  crash  shook the forest from end to end.


CHAPTER VII
The Lion and the Unicorn

The next moment soldiers cam running through the wood,  at  first  in twos and threes, then ten or twenty together, and at last in  such  crowds that they seemed to fill the whole forest. Alice got behind  a  tree,  for fear of being run over, and watched them go by.
She thought that in all her life  she  had  never  seen  soldiers  so uncertain on their feet: they  were  always  tripping  over  something  or other, and whenever one went down, several more always fell over  him,  so that the ground was soon covered with little heaps of men.
Then came the horses. Having four feet, these managed  rather  better than the foot-soldiers: but even THEY stumbled now and then; and it seemed to be a regular rule that, whenever a horse stumbled the  rider  fell  off instantly. The confusion got worse every moment, and Alice was  very  glad to get out of the wood into an open place, where she found the White  King seated on the ground, busily writing in his memorandum-book.
- I've sent them all! - the Kind cried  in  a  tone  of  delight,  on seeing Alice. - Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you  came through the wood?
- Yes, I did, - said Alice: several thousand, I should think.
- Four thousand two hundred and seven, that's the exact number, - the King said, referring to his book. - I couldn't send all  the  horses,  you know, because two of them are wanted in the game. And I haven't  sent  the two Messengers, either. They're both gone to the town. Just look along the road, and tell me if you can see either of them.
- I see nobody on the road, - said Alice.
- I only wish _I_ had such eyes, - the King  remarked  in  a  fretful tone. - To be able to see Nobody! And at that distance, too! Why, it's  as much as _I_ can do to see real people, by this light!
All this was lost on Alice, who was still looking intently along  the road, shading her eyes with  one  hand.  -  I  see  somebody  now!  -  she exclaimed at last. - But he's  coming  very  slowly  -  and  what  curious attitudes he goes into! - (For the messenger kept skipping  up  and  down, and wriggling like an eel, as he came along, with his great  hands  spread out like fans on each side).
- Not at all, - said the King. - He's an Anglo-Saxon Messenger -  and those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does them when  he's  happy.  His name ia Haigha. - (He pronounced it so as to rhyme with - mayor.
- I love my love with an  H,  -  Alice  couldn't  help  beginning,  - because he is Happy. I hate him with an H, because he is  Hideous.  I  fed him with - with - with Ham-sandwiches and Hay. His name is Haigha, and  he lives.
- He lives on the Hill, - the King remarked simply, without the least idea that he was joining in the game, while Alice was still hesitating for the name of a town beginning with H. - The other Messenger's called Hatta. I must have TWO, you know - to come and go. Once to come, and one to go.
- I beg your pardon? - said Alice.
- It isn't respectable to beg, - said the King.
- I only meant that I didn't understand, - said Alice. - Why  one  to come and one to go?
- Don't I tell you? - the King repeated impatiently. -  I  must  have Two - to fetch and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry.
At this moment the Messenger arrived: he was  far  too  much  out  of breath to say a word, and could only wave his hands about,  and  make  the most fearful faces at the poor King.
- This young lady loves you with an H, - the King  said,  introducing Alice in the hope of turning off the Messenger's attention from himself  - but it was no use - the Anglo-Saxon attitudes only got more  extraordinary every moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from side to side.
- You alarm me! - said the King. - I feel  faint  -  Give  me  a  ham sandwich!
On which the Messenger, to Alice's great amusement, opened a bag that hung round his neck, and handed a sandwich to the King,  who  devoured  it greedily.
- Another sandwich! - said the King.
- There's nothing but hay left now, -  the  Messenger  said,  peeping into the bag.
- Hay, then, - the King murmured in a faint whisper. Alice  was  glad to see that it revived him a good deal. - There's nothing like eating hay when you're faint, - he remarked  to  her,  as  he munched away.
- I should think throwing cold water over you would be better,  Alice suggested: - or some sal-volatile.
- I didn't say there was nothing BETTER, - the King replied. - I said there was nothing LIKE it. - Which alice did not venture to deny.
- Who did you pass on the road? - the King went on, holding  out  his hand to the Messenger for some more hay.
- Nobody, - said the Messenger.
- Quite right, - said the King: - this young lady saw him too. So  of course Nobody walks slower than you.
- I do my best, - the Messenger said in a  sulky  tone.  -  I'm  sure nobody walks much faster than I do!
- He can't do that, - said the King, - or else he'd  have  been  here first. However, now you've  got  your  breath,  you  may  tell  us  what's happened in the town.
- I'll whisper it, - said the Messenger, putting  his  hands  to  his mouth in the shape of a trumpet, and stooping so as to get  close  to  the King's ear. Alice was sorry for this, as she wanted to hear the news  too. However, instead of whispering, he simply shouted at the top of his  voice - They're at it again!
- Do you call THAT a whisper? - cried the poor King, jumping  up  and shaking himself. - If you do such a thing again, I'll have  you  buttered! It went through and through my head like an earthquake!
- It would have to be a very tiny earthquake! - thought Alice. -  Who are at it again? - she ventured to ask.
- Why the Lion and the Unicorn, of course, - said the King.
- Fighting for the crown?
- Yes, to be sure, - said the King: - and the best of  the  joke  is, that it's MY crown all the while! Let's run  and  see  them.  -  And  they trotted off, Alice repeating to herself, as she ran, the words of the  old song:

- The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown:
The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town.
Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown;
Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town.

- Does - the one - that wins - get the crown? - she asked, as well as she could, for the run was putting her quite out of breath.
- Dear me, no! - said the King. - What an idea!
- Would you - be good enough, - Alice panted  out,  after  running  a little further, - to stop a minute - just to get - one's breath again?
- I'm GOOD enough, - the King said, - only I'm not strong enough. You see, a minute goes by so fearfully quick. You might as well try to stop  a Bandersnatch!
Alice had no more breath for talking, so the trotted on  in  silence, till they came in sight of a great crowd, in the middle of which the  Lion and Unicorn were fighting. They were in such a  cloud  of  dust,  that  at first Alice could not make out which was which: but she  soon  managed  to distinguish the Unicorn by his horn.
They placed themselves close to where Hatta, the other messenger, was standing watching the fight, with a cup of tea in one hand and a piece  of bread-and-butter in the other.
- He's only just out of prison, and he hadn't finished his  tea  when he was sent in, - Haigha whispered to Alice: - and  they  only  give  them oyster-shells in there - so you see he's very hungry and thirsty. How  are you, dear child? - he  went  on,  putting  his  arm  affectionately  round Hatta's neck.
Hatta looked round and nodded, and went on with his bread and butter. - Were you happy in prison, dear child? - said Haigha.
Hatta looked round once more, and this time a tear  or  two  trickled down his cheek: but not a word would he say.
- Speak, can't you!  -  Haigha  cried  impatiently.  But  Hatta  only munched away, and drank some more tea.
- Speak, won't you! - cried the King. 'How are they getting  on  with the fight?
Hatta made a  desperate  effort,  and  swallowed  a  large  piece  of bread-and-butter. - They're getting on very well, - he said in  a  choking voice: - each of them has been down about eighty-seven times.
- Then I suppose they'll soon bring the white bread  and  the  brown? Alice ventured to remark.
- It's waiting for 'em now, - said Hatta: - this is a bit  of  it  as I'm eating.
There was a pause in the fight  just  then,  and  the  Lion  and  the Unicorn sat down, panting, while the King called out - Ten minutes allowed for refreshments! - Haigha and Hatta set to work at once,  carrying  rough trays of white and brown bread. Alice took a piece to taste,  but  it  was VERY dry.
- I don't think they'll fight any more to-day, -  the  King  said  to Hatta: - go and order the drums to begin. - And Hatta went  bounding  away like a grasshopper.
For a minute or two Alice stood silent, watching  him.  Suddenly  she brightened up. - Look, look! - she cried, pointing eagerly.  "There's  the White Queen running across the country! She came flying out  of  the  wood over yonder - How fast those Queens CAN run!
- There's some enemy after, her no doubt, - the  King  said,  without even looking round. - That wood's full of them.
- But aren't you going to run and help her? - Alice asked, very  much surprised at his taking it so quietly.
- No use, no use! - said the King. - She runs so fearfully quick. You might as well try to catch a Bandersnatch!  But  I'll  make  a  memorandum about her, if you like - She's a dear good creature, - he repeated  softly to himself, as he opened his memorandum-book. - Do  you  spell  "creature" with a double "e"?
At this moment the Unicorn sauntered by them, with his hands  in  his pockets. - I had the best of it this time? - he said  to  the  King,  just glancing at him as he passed.
- A little - a little, - the King replied, rather  nervously.  -  You shouldn't have run him through with your horn, you know.
- It didn't hurt him, - the Unicorn said carelessly, and he was going on, when his eye happened to fall  upon  Alice:  he  turned  round  rather instantly, and stood for some time looking at  her  with  an  air  of  the deepest disgust.
- What - is - this? - he said at last.
- This is a child! - Haigha replied eagerly, coming in front of Alice to introduce her, and spreading out both  his  hands  towards  her  in  an Anglo-Saxon attitude. - We only found it to-day. It's as  large  as  life, and twice as natural!
- I always thought they were fabulous monsters! - said the Unicorn. - Is at alive?
- It can talk, - said Haigha, solemnly. The Unicorn  looked  dreamily at Alice, and said - Talk, child. Alice could not help her lips curing  up into a smile as she began: - Do you know, I always thought Unicorns  were  fabulous  monsters,  too!  I never saw one alive before!
- Well, now that we HAVE seen each other, - said the  Unicorn,  -  if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you. Is that a bargain?
- Yes, if you like, - said Alice.
- Come, fetch out the plum-cake, old man!  -  the  Unicorn  went  on, turning from her to the King. - None of your brown bread for me!
- Certainly - certainly! - the King muttered, and beckoned to Haigha. - Open the bag! - he whispered. - Quick! Not that one -that's full of hay! Haigha took a large cake out of the bag, and gave it  to  Alice  to  hold, while he got out a dish and carving-knife. How they all  came  out  of  it Alice couldn't guess. It was just like a conjuring-trick, she thought.
The Lion had joined them while this was  going  on:  he  looked  very tired and sleepy, and his eyes were half shut. - What's this! -  he  said, blinking lazily at Alice, and speaking in a deep hollow tone that  sounded like the tolling of a great bell.
- Ah, what IS it, now? - the Unicorn cried eagerly.  -  You'll  never guess! _I_ couldn't.
The Lion looked at Alice wearily. - Are you  animal  -  vegetable  or mineral? - he said, yawning at every other word.
- It's a fabulous monster! - the  Unicorn  cried  out,  before  Alice could reply.
- Then hand round the plum-cake, Monster, - the Lion said, lying down and putting his chin on this paws. - And sit down, both of you, - (to  the King and the Unicorn): - fair play with the cake, you know!
The King was evidently very  uncomfortable  at  laving  to  sit  down between the two great creatures; but there was no other place for him.
- What a fight we might have for the crown, NOW! - the Unicorn  said, looking slyly up at the crown, which the poor King was nearly shaking  off his head, he trembled so much.
- I should win easy, - said the Lion.
- I'm not so sure of that, - said the Unicorn.
- Why, I beat you all round the town, you chicken! - the Lion replied angrily, half getting up as he spoke.
Here the King interrupted, to prevent the quarrel going  on:  he  was very nervous, and his voice quite quivered. - All round  the  town?  -  he said. - That's a good long way. Did you go  by  the  old  bridge,  or  the market-place? You get the best view by the old bridge.
- I'm sure I don't know, - the Lion growled out as he lay down again. - There was too much dust to see anything. What a  time  the  Monster  is, cutting up that cake!
Alice had seated herself on the bank of  a  little  brook,  with  the great dish on her knees, and was sawing away diligently with the knife.  - It's very provoking! - she said, in reply to the  Lion  (she  was  getting quite used to being called - the Monster').  -  I've  cut  several  slices already, but they always join on again!
- You don't know how to manage Looking-glass  cakes,  -  the  Unicorn remarked. - Hand it round first, and cut it afterwards.
This sounded nonsense, but Alice very obediently got up, and  carried the dish round, and the cake divided itself into three pieces as  she  did so. - NOW cut it up, - said the Lion, as she returned to  her  place  with the empty dish.
- I say, this isn't fair! - cried the Unicorn, as Alice sat with  the knife in her hand, very much puzzled how to begin. - The Monster has given the Lion twice as much as me!
- She's kept none for herself, anyhow, - said the Lion. - Do you like plum-cake, Monster?
But before Alice could answer him, the drums began.
Where the noise came from, she couldn't make out: the air seemed full of it, and it rang through and  through  her  head  till  she  felt  quite deafened. She started to her feet and sprang across the  little  brook  in her terror,

* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *

and had just time to see the Lion and the Unicorn rise to their feet, with angry looks at being interrupted in their feast, before  she  dropped to her knees, and put her hands over her hears, vainly trying to shut  out the dreadful uproar.
- If THAT doesn't "drum them out of town," - she thought to  herself, 'nothing ever will!


CHAPTER VIII
- It's my own Invention

After a while the noise seemed gradually to die away,  till  all  was dead silence, and Alice lifted up her head in some alarm. There was no one to be seen, and her first thought was that she  must  have  been  dreaming about the Lion and the Unicorn and those still lying at her feet, on which she had tried to cut the plumcake, - So I wasn't dreaming,  after  all,  - she said to herself, - unless - unless we're all part of the  same  dream. Only I do hope it's MY dream,  and  not  the  Red  King's!  I  don't  like belonging to another person's dream, - she went on in a rather complaining tone: - I've a great mind to go and wake him, and see what happens!      At this moment her thoughts were interrupted by a loud shouting of  - Ahoy! Ahoy! Check! and a Knight dressed in crimson armour, came  galloping down upon her, brandishing a great club. Just as he reached her, the horse stopped suddenly: - You're my prisoner! - the Knight cried, as he  tumbled off his horse.
Startled as she was, Alice was  more  frightened  for  him  than  for herself at the moment, and watched him with some  anxiety  as  he  mounted again. As soon as he was comfortably in the saddle, he began once  more  - You're my - but here another voice broke in - Ahoy!  Ahoy!  Check!  -  and Alice looked round in some surprise for the new enemy.
This time it was a White Knight. He drew  up  at  Alice's  side,  and tumbled off his horse just as the Red Knight had  done:  then  he  got  on again, and the two Knights sat and looked at  each  other  for  some  time without speaking. Alice looked from one to the other in some bewilderment. - She's MY prisoner, you know! - the Red Knight said at last.
- Yes, but then _I_ came and rescued her! - the White Knight replied.
- Well, we must fight for her, then, - said the  Red  Knight,  as  he took up his helmet (which hung from the  saddle,  and  was  something  the shape of a horse's head, and put it on.
- You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course? - the White Knight remarked, putting on his helmet too.
- I always do, - said the Red Knight, and they began banging away  at each other with such fury that Alice got behind a tree to be  out  of  the way of the blows.
- I wonder, now, what the Rules of Battle are, - she said to herself, as she watched the fight, timidly peeping out from her hiding-place: - one Rule seems to be, that if one Knight hits the other, he knocks him off his horse, and if he misses, he tumbles off himself - and another  Rule  seems to be that they hold their clubs with their arms, as if  they  were  Punch and Judy - What a noise they make when they tumble! Just like a whole  set of fireirons falling into the fender! And how quiet the horses  are!  They let them get on and off them just as if they were tables!
Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not noticed, seemed to be that they always fell on their heads, and the  battle  ended  with  their  both falling off in this way, side by side: when they got up again, they  shook hands, and then the Red Knight mounted and galloped off.
- It was a glorious victory, wasn't it? - said the White  Knight,  as he came up panting.
- I don't know, - Alice  said  doubtfully.  -  I  don't  want  to  be anybody's prisoner. I want to be a Queen.
- So you will, when you've crossed the next brook, - said  the  White Knight. - I'll see you safe to the end of the wood - and then  I  must  go back, you know. That's the end of my move.
- Thank you very much, - said Alice. - May I help you off  with  your helmet? - It was evidently more than he could manage by himself;  however, she managed to shake him out of it at last.
- Now one can breathe more easily, - said the  Knight,  putting  back his shaggy hair with both hands, and turning his  gentle  face  and  large mild eyes to Alice. She thought she had never seen such a  strange-looking soldier in all her life.
He was dressed in tin armour, which seemed to fit him very badly, and he had a queer-shaped  little  deal  box  fastened  across  his  shoulder, upside-down, and with the lid hanging open. Alice looked at it with  great curiosity.
- I see you're admiring my  little  box.  -  the  Knight  said  in  a friendly tone. - It's my own invention - to keep  clothes  and  sandwiches in. You see I carry it upside-down, so that the rain can't get in.
- But the things can get OUT, - Alice gently remarked. - Do you  know the lid's open?
- I didn't know it, - the Knight said, a shade  of  vexation  passing over his face. - Then all the things much have fallen out! And the box  is no use without them. - He unfastened it as he spoke, and was just going to throw it into the bushes, when a sudden though seemed to strike  him,  and he hung it carefully on a tree. - Can you guess why I did that? - he  said to Alice.
Alice shook her head. - In hopes some bees my make a  nest  in  it  - then I should get the
honey.  
- But you've got a bee-hive - or something like one - fastened to the saddle, - said Alice.
- Yes, it's a very good bee-hive, - the Knight said in a discontented tone, - one of the best kind. But not a single bee has come near  it  yet. And the other thing is a mouse-trap. I suppose the mice keep the bees  out - or the bees keep the mice out, I don't know which.
- I was wondering what the mouse-trap was for, -  said  Alice.  -  It isn't very likely there would be any mice on the horse's back.
- Not very likely, perhaps, - said the Knight: - but if they DO come, I don't choose to have them running all about.
- You see, - he went on after a pause, - it's as well to be  provided for EVERYTHING. That's the reason the horse has all  those  anklets  round his feet.
- But what are they for? - Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
- To guard against the bites of sharks, - the Knight replied. -  It's an invention of my own. And now help me on. I'll go with you to the end of the wood - What's the dish for?
- It's meant for plum-cake, - said Alice.
- We'd better take it with us, the Knight said. - It'll some in handy if we find any plum-cake. Help me to get it into this bag.
This took a very long time to manage, though Alice held the bag  open very carefully, because the Knight was so VERY awkward in putting  in  the dish: the first two or three times  that  he  tried  he  fell  in  himself instead. - It's rather a tight fit, you see, - he said, as they got it  in a last; - There are so many candlesticks in the bag. - And he hung  it  to the saddle,  which  was  already  loaded  with  bunches  of  carrots,  and fire-irons, and many other things.
- I hope you've got your hair well fastened on? -  he  continued,  asthey set off.
- Only in the usual way, - alice said, smiling.
- That's hardly enough, - he said, anxiously. - You see the  wind  is so VERY strong here. It's as strong as soup.
- Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair from being blown off? - Alice enquired.
- Not yet, - said the Knight. - But I've got a plan  for  keeping  it from FALLING off.
- I should like to hear it, very much.
- First you take an upright stick, - said the Knight. - Then you make your hair creep up it, like a fruit-tree. Now the reason hair falls off is because it hangs DOWN - things never fall UPWARDS, you know. It's  a  plan of my own invention. You may try it if you like.
It didn't sound a comfortable plan, Alice  thought,  and  for  a  few minutes she walked on in silence, puzzling over the idea,  and  every  now and then stopping to help the poor Knight, who certainly was  NOT  a  good rider.
Whenever the horse stopped (which it did very often), he fell off  in front; and whenever it went  on  again  (which  it  generally  did  rather suddenly), he fell off behind. Otherwise he kept on  pretty  well,  except that he had a habit of now and  then  falling  off  sideways;  and  as  he generally did this on the side on which Alice was walking, she soon  found that it was the best plan not to walk QUITE close to the horse.
- I'm afraid you've not had much practice in riding, -  she  ventured to say, as she was helping him up from his fifth tumble.
The Knight looked very much surprised, and a little offended  at  the remark. - What makes you say that? - he asked, as he scrambled  back  into the saddle, keeping hold of Alice's hair with one hand,  to  save  himself from falling over on the other side.
- Because people don't fall off quite so often, when they've had much practice.
- I've had plenty of practice, - the  Knight  said  very  gravely:  - plenty of practice!
Alice could think of nothing better to say than - Indeed? -  but  she said it as heartily as she could. They went on a  little  way  in  silence after this, the Knight with his eyes shut, muttering to himself, and Alice watching anxiously for the next tumble.
- The great art of riding, - the Knight  suddenly  began  in  a  loud voice, waving his right arm as he spoke, - is to keep - Here the  sentence ended as suddenly as it had begun, as the Knight fell heavily on  the  top of his head exactly in the path were Alice  was  walking.  She  was  quite frightened this time, and said in an anxious tone, as she picked him up, - I hope no bones are broken?
- None to speak of, - the Knight said, as if he didn't mind  breaking two or three of them. - The great art of riding, as I was saying, is -  to keep your balance properly. Like this, you know.
He let go the bridle, and stretched out both his arms to  show  Alice  what he meant, and this time he fell flat on his  back,  right  under  the horse's feet.
- Plenty of practice? - he went on repeating, all the time that Alice was getting him on his feet again. - Plenty of practice!
- It's too ridiculous! - cried Alice, losing all  her  patience  this time. - You ought to have a wooden horse on wheels, that you ought!
- Does that kind go smoothly? - the Knight asked in a tone  of  great interest, clasping his arms round the horse's neck as he  spoke,  just  in time to save himself from tumbling off again.
- Much more smoothly than a live horse, - Alice said, with  a  little scream of laughter, in spite of all she could do to prevent it.
- I'll get one, - the Knight said thoughtfully to himself. -  One  or two - several.
There was a short silence after this, and then  the  Knight  went  on again. - I'm a great hand at inventing things. Now, I daresay you noticed, that last time you picked me up, that I was looking rather thoughtful?
- You WERE a little grave, - said Alice.
- Well, just then I was inventing a new way of getting over a gate  - would you like to hear it?
- Very much indeed, - Alice said politely.
- I'll tell you how I came to think of it, - said the Knight.  -  You see, I said to myself, "The only difficulty is with the feet: the HEAD  is high enough already." Now, first I put my head on the top of  the  gate  - then I stand on my head - then the feet are high enough, you  see  -  then I'm over, you see.
- Yes, I suppose you'd be over when  that  was  done,  -  Alice  said thoughtfully: - but don't you think it would be rather hard?
- I haven't tried it yet, - the Knight said, gravely: -  so  I  can't tell for certain - but I'm afraid it WOULD be a little hard.
He looked so vexed at  the  idea,  that  Alice  changed  the  subject hastily. - What a curious helmet you've got! - she said cheerfully.  -  Is that your invention too?
The Knight looked down proudly at his helmet,  which  hung  from  the saddle. - Yes, - he said, - but I've invented a better one than that  like a sugar loaf. When I used to wear it, if I fell of the  horse,  it  always touched the ground directly. So I had a VERY little way to fall, you see - But there WAS the danger of falling INTO it, to be sure. THat happened  to me once - and the worst of it was, before I could get out again, the other White Knight came and put it on. He thought it was his own helmet.
The knight looked so solemn about it  that  Alice  did  not  dare  to laugh. - I'm afraid you must have hurt him, -  she  said  in  a  trembling voice, - being on the top of his head.
- I had to kick him, of course, - the Knight said, very seriously.  - And then he took the helmet off again - but it took hours and hours to get me out. I was as fast as - as lightning, you know.
- But that's a different kind of  fastness,  -  Alice  objected.  The Knight shook his head. - It was all kinds of fastness with me, I can assure you! - he said. He raised his hands in some  excitement  as  he said this, and instantly rolled out of the saddle, and fell headlong  into a deep ditch.
Alice ran to the side of the ditch to look for him.  She  was  rather startled by the fall, as for some time he had kept on very well,  and  she was afraid that he really WAS hurt this time. However,  though  she  could see nothing but the soles of his feet, she was much relieved to hear  that he was talking on in his usual  tone.  -  All  kinds  of  fastness,  -  he repeated: - but it was careless of him to put another man's  helmet  on  - with the man in it, too.
- How CAN you go on talking  so  quietly,  head  downwards?  -  Alice asked, as she dragged him out by the feet, and laid him in a heap  on  the bank.
The Knight looked surprised at the question. - What  does  it  matter where my body happens to be? - he said. - My mind goes on working all  the same. In fact, the more head downwards I am, the more I keep inventing new things.
- Now the cleverest thing of the sort that I ever did, - he  went  on after a pause, - was inventing a new pudding during the meatcourse.
- In time to have it cooked for the next  course?  -  said  Alice.  - Well, not the NEXT course, - the Knight said in a slow thoughtful tone:  - no, certainly not the next COURSE.
- Then it would have to be the next day. I suppose you wouldn't  have two pudding-courses in one dinner?
- Well, not the NEXT day, - the Knight repeated as before: - not  the next DAY. In fact, - he went on, holding his  head  down,  and  his  voice getting lower and lower, - I don't believe that pudding ever  WAS  cooked! In fact, I don't believe that pudding ever WILL be cooked! And yet it  was a very clever pudding to invent.
- What did you mean it to be made of? - Alice asked, hoping to  cheer him up, for the poor Knight seemed quite low-spirited about it.
It began with blotting paper, - the Knight answered with a  groan.  - That wouldn't be very nice, I'm  afraid  -  Not  very  nice  ALONE,  -  he interrupted, quite eagerly: - but you've no idea what a difference it makes mixing  it  with  other  things unpowder and sealing-wax. And here I must  leave  you. -  They  had just come to the end of the wood.
Alice could only look puzzled: she was thinking of the pudding. - You are sad, - the Knight said in an anxious tone: - let me sing you a song to comfort you.  
- Is it very long? - Alice asked, for she had heard a  good  deal  of poetry that day.
- It's long, - said the Knight, - but very, VERY beautiful. Everybody that hears me sing it - either it brings the TEARS  into  their  eyes,  or else
- Or else what? - said Alice, for the Knight had made a sudden pause.
- Or else it doesn't, you know.  The  name  of  the  song  is  called "HADDOCKS - EYES."
- Oh, that's the name of the song, is it? -  Alice  said,  trying  to feel interested.
- No, you don't understand, -  the  Knight  said,  looking  a  little vexed. - That's what the name is CALLED. The name really IS "THE AGED AGED MAN."
- Then I ought to have said "That's what the SONG is called"? – Alice corrected herself.
- No, you oughtn't: that's quite another thing! The  SONG  is  called "WAYS AND MEANS": but that's only what it's CALLED, you know!
- Well, what IS the song, then? - said Alice, who was  by  this  time completely bewildered.
- I was coming to that, - the Knight  said.  -  The  song  really  IS "A-SITTING ON A GATE": and the tune's my own invention.
So saying, he stopped his horse and let the reins fall on  its  neck: then, slowly beating time with one hand, and with a faint  smile  lighting up his gentle foolish face, as if he enjoyed the music  of  his  song,  he began.
Of all the strange things that Alice saw in her journey  Through  The Looking-Glass, this was the one that she always remembered  most  clearly. Years afterwards she could bring the whole scene back again, as if it  had been only yesterday - the mild blue eyes and kindly smile of the Knight  - the setting sun gleaming through his hair, and shining on his armour in  a blaze of light that quite dazzled her the horse quietly moving about, with the reins hanging loose on his neck, cropping the grass at her feet -  and the black shadows of the forest behind - all  this  she  took  in  like  a picture, as, with one hand shading her eyes, she leant  against  a  green, watching the strange  pair,  and  listening,  in  a  half  dream,  to  the melancholy music of the song.
- But the tune ISN'T his own invention, - she said to herself: - it's "I GIVE THEE  ALL,  I  CAN  NO  MORE."  -  She  stood  and  listened  very attentively, but no tears came into her eyes.

- I'll tell thee everything I can;
There's little to relate.
I saw an aged aged man,
A-sitting on a gate.

"Who are you, aged man? - I said.
"and how is it you live?"
And his answer trickled through my head
Like water through a sieve.

He said "I look for butterflies
That sleep among the wheat:
I make them into mutton-pies,
And sell them in the street.

I sell them unto men, - he said,
"Who sail on stormy seas;
And that's the way I get my bread
A trifle, if you please".

But I was thinking of a plan
To dye one's whiskers green,
And always use so large a fan
That they could not be seen.

So, having no reply to give
To what the old man said,
I cried, "Come, tell me how you live!"
And thumped him on the head.

His accents mild took up the tale:
He said "I go my ways,
And when I find a mountain-rill,
I set it in a blaze;

And thence they make a stuff they call
Rolands - Macassar Oil
Yet twopence-halfpenny is all
They give me for my toil".

But I was thinking of a way
To feed oneself on batter,
And so go on from day to day
Getting a little fatter.

I shook him well from side to side,
Until his face was blue:
"Come, tell me how you live", I cried,
"And what it is you do!"

He said "I hunt for haddocks - eyes
Among the heather bright,
And work them into waistcoat-buttons
In the silent night.

And these I do not sell for gold
Or coin of silvery shine
But for a copper halfpenny,
And that will purchase nine.

"I sometimes dig for buttered rolls,
Or set limed twigs for crabs;
I sometimes search the grassy knolls
For wheels of Hansom-cabs.

And that's the way" (he gave a wink)
"By which I get my wealth
And very gladly will I drink
Your Honour's noble health",

I heard him then, for I had just
Completed my design
To keep the Menai bridge from rust
By boiling it in wine.

I thanked much for telling me
The way he got his wealth,
But chiefly for his wish that he
Might drink my noble health.

And not, if e'er by chance I put
My fingers into glue
Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot
Into a left-hand shoe,

Or if I drop upon my toe
A very heavy weight,
I weep, for it reminds me so,
Of that old man I used to know

Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow,
Whose hair was whiter than the snow,
Whose face was very like a crow,
With eyes, like cinders, all aglow,

Who seemed distracted with his woe,
Who rocked his body to and fro,
And muttered mumblingly and low,
As if his mouth were full of dough,

Who snorted like a buffalo
That summer evening, long ago,
A-sitting on a gate.

As the Knight sang the last words of the ballad, he gathered  up  the reins, and turned his horse's head along the road by which they had  come. - You've only a few yards to go, - he said, - down the hill and over  that little brook, and then you'll be a Queen - -But you'll stay and see me off first? - he added as Alice turned with an eager look in the  direction  to which he  pointed.  -  I  shan't  be  long.  You'll  wait  and  wave  your handkerchief when I get to that turn in the road? I think it'll  encourage me, you see.
- Of course I'll wait, - said Alice: - and thank you  very  much  for coming so far - and for the song - I liked it very much.
- I hope so, - the Knight said doubtfully: - but you  didn't  cry  so much as I thought you would.
So they shook hands, and then the Knight rode slowly  away  into  the forest. - It won't take long to see him OFF, I expect,  -  Alice  said  to herself, as she stood watching him. - There he goes! Right on his head  as usual! However, he gets on again pretty easily - that comes of  having  so many things hung round the horse - So she went on talking to  herself,  as she watched the horse walking leisurely along the  road,  and  the  Knight tumbling off, first on one side and then on the other. After the fourth or fifth tumble he reached the turn, and then she waved her  handkerchief  to him, and waited till he was out of sight.
- I hope it encouraged him, - she said, as he turned to run down  the hill: - and now for the last brook, and  to  be  a  Queen!  How  grand  it sounds! - A very few steps brought her to the edge of  the  brook.  -  The Eighth Square at last! - she cried as she bounded across,

* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *

and threw herself down to rest on a lawn as soft as moss, with little flower-beds dotted about it here and there. - Oh, how glad  I  am  to  get here! And what IS this on my head? - she exclaimed in a tone of dismay, as she put her hands up to something very heavy, and fitted tight  all  round her head.
- But how CAN it have got there without my knowing it? - she said  to herself, as she lifted it off, and set it on her lap to make out  what  it could possibly be.
It was a golden crown.


CHAPTER IX
Queen Alice

- Well, this IS grand! - said Alice. - I never expected I should be a Queen so soon - and I'll tell you what it is, your majesty, - she went  on in a severe tone (she was always rather fond of scolding herself), - it'll never do for you to be lolling about on the grass like that!  Queens  have to be dignified, you know!
So she got up and walked about - rather stiffly just at first, as she was afraid that the crown might come off: but she comforted  herself  with the thought that there was nobody to see her, -  and  if  I  really  am  a Queen, - she said as she sat down again, - I shall be able  to  manage  it quite well in time.
Everything was  happening  so  oddly  that  she  didn't  feel  a  bit surprised at finding the Red Queen and the White Queen  sitting  close  to her, one on each side: she would have like very much to ask them how  they came there, but she feared it would not be  quite  civil.  However,  there would be no harm, she thought, in asking if the game was over.  -  Please, would you tell me - she began, looking timidly at the Red Queen.
- Speak when you're spoken to! - The Queen sharply interrupted her.
- But if everybody obeyed that rule, - said  Alice,  who  was  always ready for a little argument, - and if you only spoke when you were  spoken to, and the other person always waited for YOU to begin,  you  see  nobody would ever say anything, so that.
- Ridiculous! - cried the Queen. - Why, don't you see, child  -  here she broke off with a frown, and, after thinking  for  a  minute,  suddenly changed the subject of the conversation. - What do you mean by  -  If  you really are a Queen"? What right have you to all yourself so? You can't  be a Queen, you know, till you've passed  the  proper  examination.  And  the sooner we begin it, the better.
- I only said "if"! - poor Alice pleaded in a piteous tone.  The  two Queens looked at each other, and the Red Queen remarked, with a little shudder, - She SAYS she only said "if".
- But she said a great deal more than that! - the White Queen moaned, wringing her hands. - Oh, ever so much more than that!
- So you did, you know, - the Red Queen said to Alice. - Always speak the truth - think before you speak - and write it down afterwards.
- I'm sure I didn't mean - Alice was beginning,  but  the  Red  Queen interrupted her impatiently.
- That's just what I complain of! You SHOULD have meant! What do  you suppose is the use of child without any meaning? Even a joke  should  have some meaning - and a child's more important  than  a  joke,  I  hope.  You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands.
- I don't deny things with my HANDS, - Alice objected.
- Nobody said you did, - said the Red Queen. - I said you couldn't if you tried.
- She's in that state of mind, - said the White  Queen,  -  that  she wants to deny SOMETHING - only she doesn't know what to deny!
- A nasty, vicious temper, - the Red Queen remarked; and  then  there was an uncomfortable silence for a minute or two.
The Red Queen broke the silence by saying to the  White  Queen,  -  I invite you to Alice's dinner-party this afternoon.
The White Queen smiled feebly, and said -  And  I  invite  YOU.  -  I didn't know I was to have a party at all, - said Alice; - but if there is to be one, I think _I_ ought to invite the guests.  
- We gave you the opportunity of doing it, - the Red Queen  remarked: - but I daresay you've not had many lessons in manners yet?
- Manners are not taught in lessons, - said Alice.  -  Lessons  teach you to do sums, and things of that sort.
- And you do Addition? - the White Queen asked. - What's one and  one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one?
- I don't know, - said Alice. - I lost count.
- She can't to Addition, - the Red Queen interrupted. -  Can  you  do Subtraction? Take nine from eight.
- Nine from eight I can't, you know, - Alice replied very readily:  - but
- She can't do Subtraction, - said the White  Queen.  -  Can  you  do Division? Divide a loaf by a knife - what's the answer to that?
- I suppose - Alice was beginning, but the  Red  Queen  answered  for her. - Bread-and-butter, of course. Try another Subtraction  sum.  Take  a bone from a dog: what remains?
Alice considered. - The bone wouldn't remain, of course, if I took it - and the dog wouldn't remain; it would come to bite me - and I'm  sure  I shouldn't remain!
- Then you think nothing would remain? - said the Red Queen.
- I think that's the answer.
- Wrong, as usual, - said the Red Queen: -  the  dog's  temper  would remain.
- But I don't see how.
- Why, look here! - the Red Queen cried. - The  dog  would  lose  its temper, wouldn't it?
- Perhaps it would, - Alice replied cautiously.
- Then it the dog went away, its temper would  remain!  -  the  Queen exclaimed triumphantly.
Alice said, as gravely as she could, - They might go different  ways. - But she couldn't help thinking to herself, - What dreadful  nonsense  we ARE talking!
- She can't do sums a BIT! - the Queens  said  together,  with  great emphasis.
- Can YOU do sums? - Alice said, turning suddenly on the White Queen, for she didn't like being found fault with so much.
The Queen gasped and shut her eyes. - I can do  Addition,  -  if  you give me time - but I can do Subtraction, under ANY circumstances!
- Of course you know your A B C? - said the Red Queen.
- To be sure I do. - said Alice.
- So do I, - the White Queen whispered: - we'll  often  say  it  over together, dear. And I'll tell you a secret -  I  can  read  words  of  one letter! Isn't THAT grand! However, don't be discouraged. You'll come to it in time.
Here the Red Queen began again. - Can you  answer  useful  questions? she said. - How is bread made?
- I know THAT! - Alice cried eagerly. - You take some flour.
- Where do you pick the flower? - the  White  Queen  asked.  -  In  a garden, or in the hedges?
- Well, it isn't PICKED at all, - Alice explained: - it's GROUND.
- How many acres of ground? - said the White  Queen.  -  You  mustn't leave out so many things.
- Fan her head! - the Red Queen anxiously interrupted.  -  She'll  be feverish after so much thinking. - So they set to work and fanned her with bunches of leaves, till she had to beg them to leave off, it blew her hair about so.
- She's all right again now, - said the Red  Queen.  -  Do  you  know Languages? What's the French for fiddle-de-dee?
- Fiddle-de-dee's not English, - Alice replied gravely.
- Who ever said it was? - said the Red Queen. Alice thought she saw a way out of the difficulty this time. - If
you'll tell me what language "fiddle-de-dee" is, I'll tell you the  French for it! - she exclaimed triumphantly.
But the Red Queen drew herself up rather stiffly, and said  -  Queens never make bargains.
- I wish Queens never asked questions, - Alice thought to herself.
- Don't let us quarrel, - the White Queen said in an anxious tone.  - What is the cause of lightning?
- The cause of lightning, - Alice said very decidedly, for  she  felt quite certain about this, - is  the  thunder  -  no,  no!  -  she  hastily corrected herself. - I meant the other way.
- It's too late to correct it, - said the Red Queen:  -  when  you've once said a thing, that fixes it, and you must take the consequences.
- Which reminds me - the White Queen said, looking down and nervously clasping and unclasping her hands, -  we  had  SUCH  a  thunderstorm  last Tuesday - I mean one of the last set of Tuesdays, you know.
Alice was puzzled. - In OUR country, - she remarked, -  there's  only one day at a time.
The Red Queen said, - That's a poor thin way  of  doing  things.  Now HERE, we mostly have days and nights two or three at a time, and sometimes in the winter we take as many as five  nights  together  for  warmth,  you know.
- Are five nights warmer than one night, then? -  Alice  ventured  to ask.
- Five times as warm, of course.
- But they should be five times as COLD, by the same rule
- Just so! - cried the Red Queen. - Five  times  as  warm,  AND  five times as cold - just as I'm five times as rich as you are, AND five  times as clever!
Alice sighted and gave it up. - It's exactly like a  riddle  with  no answer! - she thought.
- Humpty Dumpty saw it too, - the White Queen went on in a low voice, more as if she were talking to herself. - He  came  to  the  door  with  a corkscrew in his hand
- What did he want? - said the Red Queen.
- He said he WOULD come in, - the White Queen went on, -  because  he was looking for a hippopotamus. Now, as it happened, there wasn't  such  a thing in the house, that morning.
- Is there generally? - Alice asked in an astonished tone.
- Well, only on Thursdays, - said the Queen.
- I know what he came for, - said Alice: - he wanted  to  punish  the fish, because
Here the White Queen began again. - It was SUCH a  thunderstorm,  you can't think! - (She NEVER could you know, - said the  Red  Queen.)  -  And part of the roof came off, and ever so much thunder got in - and  it  went rolling round the room in great lumps -and knocking over  the  tables  and things - till I was so frightened, I couldn't remember my own name!
Alice thought to herself, - I never should TRY to remember my name in the middle of an accident! Where would be the use of it? - but she did not say this aloud, for fear of hurting the poor Queen's feeling.
- Your Majesty must excuse her, - the Red Queen said to Alice, taking one of the White Queen's hands in her own, and gently stroking it:  -  she means well, but she can't help saying foolish things, as a general rule.
The White Queen looked timidly at Alice, who felt she  OUGHT  to  say something kind, but really couldn't think of anything at the moment.
- She never was really well brought up, - the Red Queen  went  on:  - but it's amazing how good-tempered she is! Pat her on the  head,  and  see how pleased she'll be! - But this was more than Alice had courage to do.
- A little kindness - and putting her  hair  in  papers  -  would  do wonders with her
The White Queen gave a deep  sigh,  and  laid  her  head  on  Alice's shoulder. - I AM so sleepy? - she moaned.
- She's tired, poor thing! - said the Red Queen. -  Smooth  her  hair lend her your nightcap - and sing her a soothing lullaby.
- I haven't got a nightcap with me, - said Alice,  as  she  tried  to obey the first direction: - and I don't know any soothing lullabies."
- I must do it myself, then, - said the Red Queen, and she began:

- Hush-a-by lady, in Alice's lap!
Till the feast's ready, we've time for a nap:
When the feast's over, we'll go to the ball
Red Queen, and White Queen, and Alice, and all!

- And now you know the words, - she added, as she put her  head  down on Alice's other shoulder, - just sing  it  through  to  ME.  I'm  getting sleepy, too. - In another moment both Queens were fast asleep, and snoring loud.
-  What  AM  I  to  do?  exclaimed  Alice,  looking  about  in  great perplexity, as first one round head, and then the other, rolled down  from her shoulder, and lay like a heavy lump in her lap. -  I  don't  thing  it EVER happened before, that any one had to take care of two  Queens  asleep at once! No, not in all the History of England - it  couldn't,  you  know, because there never was more than one Queen at a time.  Do  wake  up,  you heavy things! - she went on in an impatient tone; but there was no  answer but a gentle snoring.
The snoring got more distinct every minute, and sounded more  like  a tune: at last she could even make out  the  words,  and  she  listened  so eagerly that, when the two great heads vanished from her lap,  she  hardly missed them.
She was standing before an arched doorway over which were  the  words QUEEN ALICE in large letters, and on each side of the  arch  there  was  a bell-handle; one was marked - Visitors - Bell, - and the other -  Servants
- Bell.
- I'll wait till the song's over, - thought Alice, -  and  then  I'll ring - the - WHICH bell must I ring? - she went on, very much  puzzled  by the names. - I'm not a visitor, and I'm not a servant. There OUGHT  to  be one marked "Queen," you know
Just then the door opened a little way, and a creature  with  a  long beak put its head out for a moment and said - No admittance till the  week after next! - and shut the door again with a bang.
Alice knocked and rang in vain for a long time, but at last,  a  very old Frog, who was sitting under a tree, got up and hobbled slowly  towards her: he was dressed in bright yellow, and had enormous boots on.
- What is it, now? - the Frog said in a deep  hoarse  whisper.  Alice turned round, ready to find fault with anybody. - Where's the servant whose business it is to answer the door? - she began angrily.
- Which door? - said the Frog. Alice almost stamped  with  irritation at the slow drawl in which he
spoke. - THIS door, of course!
The Frog looked at the door with his large dull eyes  for  a  minute: then he went nearer and rubbed it with his thumb, as  if  he  were  trying whether the paint would come off; then he looked at Alice.
- To answer the door? - he said. - What's it been asking of? - He was so hoarse that Alice could scarcely hear him.
- I don't know what you mean, - she said.
- I talks English, doesn't I? - the Frog went on. - Or are you  deaf? What did it ask you?
- Nothing! - Alice said impatiently. - I've been knocking at it!
- Shouldn't do that - shouldn't do that - the Frog muttered. -  Wexes it, you know. - Then he went up and gave the door a kick with one  of  his great feet. - You let IT alone, - he panted out, as he hobbled back to his tree, - and it'll let YOU alone, you know.
At this moment the door was flung open, and a shrill voice was  heard singing:
- To the Looking-Glass world it was Alice that said,
"I've a sceptre in hand, I've a crown on my head;
Let the Looking-Glass creatures, whatever they be,
Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me."  
And hundreds of voices joined in the chorus:
- Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can,
And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran:
Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea   
And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-three!  

Then followed a confused noise of  cheering,  and  Alice  thought  to herself, - Thirty  times  three  makes  ninety.  I  wonder  if  any  one's counting? - In a minute there was silence again, and the same shrill voice sang another verse;

- "O Looking-Glass creatures," quothe Alice, "draw near!
'Tis and honour to see me, a favour to hear:
'Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea
Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!"  

Then came the chorus again:

- Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink,
Or anything else that is pleasant to drink:
Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine   
And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nine!  

- Ninety times nine! - Alice repeated in despair, - Oh, that'll never be done! I'd better go in at once - and  there  was  a  dead  silence  the moment she appeared.
Alice glanced nervously along the table, as she walked up  the  large hall, and noticed that there were about fifty quests, of all  kinds:  some were animals, some birds, and there were even a few flowers among them.  - I'm glad they've come without waiting to be asked,  -  she  thought:  -  I should never have known who were the right people to invite!
There were three chairs at the head of the table; the Red  and  White Queens had already taken two of them, but the middle one was empty.  Alice sat down in it, rather uncomfortable in the silence, and longing for  some one to speak.
At last the Red Queen began. - You've missed the soup and fish, - she said. - Put on the joint! - And the waiters set a  leg  of  mutton  before Alice, who looked at it rather anxiously, as she had never had to carve  a joint before.
- You look a little shy; let me introduce you to that leg of  mutton, - said the Red Queen. - Alice - Mutton; Mutton  -  Alice.  -  The  leg  of mutton got up in the dish and made  a  little  bow  to  Alice;  and  Alice returned the bow, not knowing whether to be frightened or amused.
- May I give you a slice? - she said, taking up the knife  and  fork, and looking from one Queen to the other.
- Certainly not,  -  the  Red  Queen,  very  decidedly:  -  it  isn't etiquette to cut any one you've been introduced to. Remove  the  joint!  - And the waiters carried it off, and brought a large  plum-pudding  in  its place.
- I won't be introduced to the pudding, please, - Alice  said  rather hastily, - or shall we get no dinner at all. May I give you some?
But the Red Queen looked sulky, and growled - Pudding - Alice;  Alice - Pudding. Remove the pudding! - and the waiters took it always so quickly that Alice couldn't return its bow.
However, she didn't see why the Red Queen should be the only  one  to give orders, so, as an experiment, she called out - Waiter! Bring back the pudding! - and there it was again in a moment like a  conjuring-trick.  It was so large that she couldn't help feeling a LITTLE shy with it,  as  she had been with the mutton; however, she conquered her shyness  by  a  great effort and cut a slice and handed it to the Red Queen.
- What impertinence! - said the Pudding. - I wonder  how  you'd  like it, if I were to cut a slice out of YOU, you creature!
- It spoke in a thick, suety sort of voice, and Alice hadn't  a  word to say in reply: she could only sit and look at it and gasp.
- Make a remark, - said the Red Queen: - it's ridiculous to leave all the conversation to the pudding!
- Do you know, I've had such a quantity  of  poetry  repeated  to  me to-day, - Alice began, a little frightened at finding that, the moment she opened her lips, there was dead silence, and all eyes were fixed upon her; - and it's a very curious thing, I think -every poem was about  fishes  in some way. Do you know why they're so fond of fishes, all about here?
She spoke to the Red Queen, whose answer was a  little  wide  of  the mark. - As to fishes, - she said, very slowly and  solemnly,  putting  her mouth close to Alice's ear, - her White Majesty knows a  lovely  riddle  - all in poetry - all about fishes. Shall she repeat it?
- Her Red Majesty's very kind  to  mention  it,  -  the  White  Queen murmured into Alice's other ear, in a voice like the cooing of a pigeon. - It would be SUCH a treat! May I?
- Please do, - Alice said very politely. The White Queen laughed with delight, and stroked Alice's cheek. Then
she began:

- "First, the fish must be caught.
That is easy: a baby, I think, could have caught it.
"Next, the fish must be bought.
That is easy: a penny, I think, would have bought it.
"Now cook me the fish!
That is easy, and will not take more than a minute.
Let it lie in a dish!"
That is easy, because it already is in it.
"Bring it here! Let me sup!"
It is easy to set such a dish on the table.
"Take the dish-cover up!
Ah, THAT is so hard that I fear I'm unable!
For it holds it like glue
Holds the lid to the dish, while it lies in the middle:
Which is easiest to do,
Un-dish-cover the fish, or dishcover the riddle?

- Take a minute to think about it, and then guess,  -  said  the  Red Queen. - Meanwhile, we'll drink your health - Queen  Alice's  health!  She screamed at the top of her voice, and all the  guests  began  drinking  it directly, and very queerly they managed it: some of them put their glasses upon their heads like extinguishers, and  drank  all  that  trickled  down their faces -others upset the decanters, and drank the wine as it ran  off the edges of the table - and three of them  (who  looked  like  kangaroos) scrambled into the dish of roast mutton, and began eagerly lapping up  the gravy, - just like pigs in a trough! thought Alice.
- You ought to return thanks in a neat speech, - the Red Queen  said, frowning at Alice as she spoke.
- We must support you, you know, -  the  White  Queen  whispered,  as Alice got up to do it, very obediently, but a little frightened.
- Thank you very much, - she whispered in reply, - but I can do quite well without.
- That wouldn't be at all the  thing,  -  the  Red  Queen  said  very decidedly: so Alice tried to submit to it with a good grace.
(And they DID push so! - she said afterwards, when  she  was  telling her sister the history of the feast. - You would have thought they  wanted to squeeze me flat!')
In fact it was rather difficult for her to keep in  her  place  while she made her speech: the two Queens pushed her so, one on each side,  that they nearly lifted her up into the air: - I rise to return thanks -  Alice began: and she really DID rise as she spoke, several inches; but  she  got hold of the edge of the table, and managed to pull herself down again.
- Take care of yourself! - screamed the White Queen, seizing  Alice's hair with both her hands. - Something's going to happen!
And then (as Alice  afterwards  described  it)  all  sorts  of  thing happened in a moment. The candles all grew  up  to  the  ceiling,  looking something like a bed of rushes with  fireworks  at  the  top.  As  to  the bottles, they each took a pair of plates, which they hastily fitted on  as wings, and  so,  with  forks  for  legs,  went  fluttering  about  in  all directions: - and very like birds they look, - Alice thought  to  herself, as well as she could in the dreadful confusion that was beginning.
At this moment she heard a hoarse laugh at her side, and turn to  see what was the matter with the White Queen; but, instead of the Queen, there was the leg of mutton sitting in the chair. - Here I  am!  cried  a  voice from the soup tureen, and Alice turned again, just  in  time  to  see  the Queen's broad good-natured face grinning at the for a moment over the edge of the tureen, before she disappeared into the soup.
There was not a moment to be lost. Already several of the guests were lying down in the dishes, and the soup ladle  was  walking  up  the  table towards Alice's chair, and beckoning to her impatiently to get out of  its way.
- I can't stand this any longer! - she cried as  she  jumped  up  and seized the table-cloth with both hands: one good pull, and plates, dishes, guests, and candles came crashing down together in a heap on the floor.
- And as for YOU, - she went on, turning fiercly upon the Red  Queen, who she considered as the cause of all the mischief - but the Queen was no longer at her side - she had suddenly dwindled  down  to  the  size  of  a little doll, and was now on the table, merrily  running  round  and  round after her own shawl, which was trailing behind her.
At any other time, Alice would have felt surprised at this,  but  she was far too much excited to be surprised at anything NOW. - As for YOU,  - she repeated, catching hold of the little creature  in  the  very  act  of jumping over a bottle which had just lighted upon the table, - I'll  shake you into a kitten, that I will!



CHAPTER X
Shaking

She took her off the table as she spoke, and shook her backwards  and forwards with all her might.
The Red Queen made no resistance whatever; only her  face  grew  very small, and her eyes got large and green:  and  still,  as  Alice  went  on shaking her, she kept on growing shorter - and fatter - and softer  -  and rounder - and


CHAPTER XI
Waking

- and it really WAS a kitten, after all.



CHAPTER XII
Which Dreamed it?

- Your majesty shouldn't purr so loud,  -  Alice  said,  rubbing  her eyes, and addressing the kitten, respectfully, yet with some  severity.  - You woke me out of oh! such a nice dream! And you've been along  with  me, Kitty - all through the Looking-Glass world. Did you know it, dear?
It is a very inconvenient habit of kittens (Alice had  one  made  the remark) that, whatever you say to them, they Always purr. - If them  would only purr for "yes" and mew for "no," or any rule of that sort, - she  had said, - so that one could keep up a conversation! But  how  CAN  you  talk with a person if they always say the same thing?
On this occasion the kitten only purred: and  it  was  impossible  to guess whether it meant - yes - or - no.
So Alice hunted among the chessmen on the table till  she  had  found the Red Queen: then she went down on her knees on the hearth-rug, and  put the kitten and the Queen to look at each other. "Now, Kitty! - she  cried, clapping her hands triumphantly. - Confess that was what you turned into!
( - But it wouldn't look at it, - she said, when she  was  explaining the thing afterwards to her  sister:  -  it  turned  away  its  head,  and pretended not to see it: but it looked a LITTLE ashamed of  itself,  so  I think it MUST have been the Red Queen').
- Sit up a little more stiffly, dear! -  Alice  cried  with  a  merry laugh. - And curtsey while you're thinking what to  -  what  to  purr.  It saves time, remember! - And she caught it up and gave it one little  kiss, - just in honour of having been a Red Queen.
- Snowdrop, my pet! - she went on, looking over her shoulder  at  the White Kitten, which was still patiently undergoing its toilet, - when WILL Dinah have finished with your White Majesty, I wonder? That  must  be  the reason you were so untidy in my dream - Dinah! do  you  know  that  you're scrubbing a White Queen? Really, it's most disrespectful of you!
- And what did DINAH turn to, I wonder? - she  prattled  on,  as  she settled comfortably down, with one elbow in the rug, and her chin  in  her hand, to watch the kittens. - Tell me,  Dinah,  did  you  turn  to  Humpty Dumpty? I THINK you did - however, you'd better not  mention  it  to  your friends just yet, for I'm not sure.
- By the way, Kitty, of only you'd been really with me in  my  dream, there was one thing you WOULD have enjoyed - I  had  such  a  quantity  of poetry said to me, all about fishes! To-morrow morning you  shall  have  a real treat. All the time you're eating your breakfast,  I'll  repeat  "The Walrus and the Carpenter" to you; and  then  you  can  make  believe  it's oysters, dear!
- Now, Kitty, let's consider who it was that dreamed it all. This  is a serious question, my dear, and you should NOT go  on  licking  your  paw like that - as if Dinah hadn't washed you this morning! You see, Kitty, it MUST have been either me or the Red King. He was  part  of  my  dream,  of course - but then I was part of his dream,  too!  WAS  it  the  Red  King, Kitty. You were his wife, my dear, so you ought to know Oh, Kitty, DO help to settle it! I'm sure your paw can wait! - But the provoking kitten  only began on the other paw, and pretended it hadn't heard the question.

Which do YOU think it was?

A boat beneath a sunny sky,
Lingering onward dreamily
In an evening of July

Children three that nestle near,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Pleased a simple tale to hear

Long had paled that sunny sky:
Echoes fade and memories die.
Autumn frosts have slain July.

Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.

Children yet, the tale to hear,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Lovingly shall nestle near.

In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die:

Ever drifting down the stream
Lingering in the golden gleam
Life, what is it but a dream?


THE END

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

VARICH-метод - АНГЛИЙСКИЙ ЯЗЫК быстро

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